


There's No Such Thing As Girl Gamers

by TCRegan



Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Awkwardness, Chatting & Messaging, Humor, Kink Meme, M/M, MMORPGs, Romantic Comedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-08
Updated: 2014-02-09
Packaged: 2018-01-11 14:41:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 27,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1174295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TCRegan/pseuds/TCRegan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for the kinkmeme prompt here: http://dragonage-kink.livejournal.com/10749.html?thread=42998525#t42998525</p><p>Garrett Hawke is a gamer who's involved in the MMO THEDAS. He's got a crush on his guild's healer and it seems the feeling might be mutual. Only one problem. As Garrett's been playing a female warrior from the start, everyone thinks he's a woman.</p><p>Now he has to figure out if he should come clean before the upcoming THEDAS convention.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was SO much fun for me to write, despite it not being what I normally write. Comedy is not my strong suit, but I've watched enough romcoms in my life (begrudgingly) to hopefully do the prompt justice. My frame of reference for THEDAS is WoW-styled since that's my drug of choice. Huge, huge thanks to my girlfriend Vee who gave me some stellar ideas for the story, including the title. (Though I didn't make this as 'wacky romcom' as it could have been, possibly.)
> 
> Lots of chat/text formatting that I hopefully made easy to understand. Enjoy!

**SpicyHeals:** Get out of the fire, Carver, you dumbass!

 **AlwaysToppinDPS:** I'm not in the bloody fire!

Garrett sighed as he watched his brother's health bar drain quickly. He knew it wasn't their healer's fault, despite Carver's angry yelling he heard through the wall. Anders had previously been a part of their cousin's guild, nationally ranked as one of the top in the country. He'd written several articles for the THEDAS Insider and was heralded as his realm's first to reach top level three expansions in a row. He was also ridiculously overgeared for this raid and had they been not working on the same boss for the last month, he might have had more patience. But Carver had been consistently fucking up since the beginning. Garrett wished that Bethany had decided to stay. Though she still had an account, none of her characters were over level twenty, and no amount of pleading could get her to come back.

"I like having a social life," she joked, patting his cheek.

Garrett supposed she had a point. He'd just turned twenty-five and was still living at home, a fact that his seventeen year old brother constantly pointed out. College had been touch and go, a semester here, a semester there, until he decided it wasn't truly his deal. He fell into his current job – overnight stocking in a wholesale department store – while he tried to figure out what he wanted to do with his life. His mother didn't seem to mind so much, after all, she hated to be alone in her large childhood home and constantly urged her children to bring over their friends.

Problem was, all Garrett's friends were online. Shy and awkward growing up, he spent a lot of time on the internet and he only managed to keep an athletic physique in school through track. Running was something he enjoyed doing. Putting earbuds in, turning up his music and just going off on his own. He'd started young with his father, jogging or biking with him through the woods. After Malcolm died, it was the one thing Garrett could do to feel close to him, and it helped ease the pain. His father's death hadn't helped his social skills much either. He was a loner in reality. But virtually, he was a king.

Or a queen, as it was, since he'd been drawn to the female warrior's backstory. Her hometown had been ravaged by darkspawn and she was forced into a mercenary's life in order to survive. He enjoyed the roleplaying aspect of the game, though Carver simply wanted to dungeon rather than quest. But that was the beauty of their guild. They'd all come from different parts of the game and they all worked well together, regardless. When it was just Garrett, before Carver and Bethany joined, he'd done his best to keep up with the competitive pace of _The Grey Wardens_ , his cousin's guild. But he was more interested in the story, and cut ties to form his own guild. Surprisingly, Anders decided to join him on another realm.

_**SpicyHeals:** I'm getting a little tired of the competition anyway. Maybe I'll go back for the next expansion._

_**MaidMarian:** But why would you want to join my guild? It's just me right now, after all._

_**SpicyHeals:** Sometimes you just get sick of endgame crap. Trust me. You'll know when you get tired of it. Besides, I'm bringing Varric along._

_**MaidMarian:** Which one is that again?_

_**SpicyHeals:** BiancasMan_

_**MaidMarian:** Oh I like him! :)_

_**SpicyHeals:** Everyone does, that's why he's coming to a low pop realm. Well, gotta go. cya. ;)_

_**MaidMarian:** Bye!!_

The exchange happened almost a year ago, and Garrett had the screenshot saved and hidden in several nested folders labeled "porn. not for u mom". Not that he thought his mother would come looking, but sometimes she would head in to straighten his room and he couldn't take the chance. Leandra was respectful of her children's privacy, but she was still a mom. 

He turned his attention back to the fight.

 **SpicyHeals:** _Used Lay on Hands on AlwaysToppinDPS – GET OUT OF THE FIRE, DUMBSHIT!_

 **AlwaysToppinDPS:** HEY! y did u pull me away from the boss, asshole!!!!U fucked up my numbers!!!!!

 **SpicyHeals:** You were in the fire. You were going to die. I saved you. Again.

 **AlwaysToppinDPS:** Screw u i was fine!

Garrett heard Carver swear loudly, and their mother's admonishment from somewhere downstairs. He smirked. Carver always got so worked up.

 **BiancasMan:** Think Junior's a bit cranky. Past his bedtime?

 **MaidMarian:** He didn't nap today.

 **ComeGetSome:** LOL!!!

 **AlwaysToppinDPS:** fuk u all!

 **DaisyChain:** Aww, be nice to Carver!

Garett sighed, sitting back heavily. They were going to wipe anyway, despite his (if he did say so himself) awesome tanking skills.

 **MaidMarian:** We'll go again next week. I have to go get ready for work anyway.

He said his goodbyes, thanking Anders for the portal back to the inn. Just as he was about to get up to put on a clean shirt, a private message notification popped up.

 **Anders:** Hey. :) How late are you working?

Garrett hesitated. He'd downloaded the instant messaging program at Anders' insistence. Apparently it was how they all stayed in touch outside the game. Which would've been fine for him, except for the fact that apparently playing a female in game had led to the mistaken belief that he was female in real life. He would've put an end to it, but the attention he received in game was kind of nice. Always a loner in school, he found online social interactions a lot easier. No pressure, no need to know what to do with his hands or worry about making a weird facial expression.

Unfortunately, it seemed that their healer had developed quite the crush on him. Her. Marian. Garrett saved all their chat logs, even printed a few which he knew was lame but all the same, couldn't help it. He'd never even considered falling for another man. But that was the beauty of the internet; you fell for personality first and looks later. Of course when he looked up Anders later on and found several pictures of him at conventions plastered all over the THEDAS social blog, Garett was struck with the realization of just how gorgeous the man on the other side of the screen was.

It was intimidating.

 **Hawke:** I'll be home around 7a

 **Anders:** Shame. I'll miss you.

Garrett grinned.

 **Hawke:** :( I'll miss you too. I can text? You can keep me company while I make toilet paper pyramids.

 **Anders:** Ooh baby. I love it when you talk dirty to me.

 **Hawke:** I'll think of you while I squeeze the extra firm rolls.

 **Anders:** Well my rolls are pretty damn firm. I'd rather squeeze yours though.

 **Hawke:** Pervert. :P

 **Anders:** Oh sweetheart, you have no idea. Text me when you get a chance.

 **Hawke:** I will.  <3

 **Anders:** <3333

Garrett signed off and turned off his monitor, heart pounding. _Stupid. He's flirting with the girl he thinks is his guild leader. Not you._ But it wasn't entirely true, he reasoned. In the year he'd gotten to know Anders, he never lied to him. Except for the fact that he was male, not female. He changed for work, grabbed his keys and kissed his mother and Bethany goodbye before heading out. 

As he drove across town, he thought about how close he felt to Anders, despite never meeting face to face, never even talking out loud. That was an ongoing battle – he refused voice and video chat and wouldn't accept phone calls (though he saved every voice mail Anders left). His excuses varied, but finally he admitted to chronic shyness and Anders left it alone. He continued to text and call and IM though, and Garrett got a thrill with each conversation. It was amazing to spill his secrets, his fears, to someone who would listen. And in return, Garrett learned about him.

Anders was an only child. His parents died in a house fire when he was twelve. He became extremely introverted in school, the quintessential nerd. Found a love for video games and writing and put both to practical use. He was published, and Garrett bought both his books – a personal account of his life and a fictional extended universe tale of THEDAS that chronicled a Grey Warden healer. The latter became so popular that they added downloadable content to the game so anyone could play through his story if they wished. And more content was being added in the future.

_Makes you wonder why he likes you so much, if he's so popular._

Perhaps that was it, though. While Garrett was intimidated by Anders because of the respect he commanded in the guild, he'd had no idea who he was really before Anders decided to hop realms (a fact which Garrett's cousin constantly complained about – the loss of their main healer hit hard). Once he realized, he asked him why again, if Anders was so popular.

_**SpicyHeals:** I liked that you didn't know who I was. You weren't in awe of my connections to the company and didn't use me to try to get free stuff. I was just, y'know. The healer guy with the snappy one liners._

_**MaidMarian:** Oh. Well if you want I can keep pretending not to know._

_**SpicyHeals:** lol, sure. That would be nice. ;)_

_**MaidMarian:** Beauty of anonymity on the internet, right?_

_**SpicyHeals:** Babe, you have no idea. Not that I mind the adulation but I sometimes get requests for autographs when I go out to malls. Gets annoying._

_**MaidMarian:** I promise I'll never ask for your autograph._

_**SpicyHeals:** Well. I wouldn't mind signing some things for you…_

That was when Anders asked to contact him outside the game. Garrett settled on using his surname, and Anders continued to call him 'Marian' though shortened it to 'Mare' which rhymed nicely with 'Gare' and left Garrett able to not feel so guilty sometimes.

One day he would have to tell Anders the truth. But not today.


	2. Chapter 2

Garrett parked at the front of the lot. One of the advantages of working overnight was not giving up the closer spaces for customers. He waved to his co-worker, a man who went by 'Fenris' and Garrett was almost positive that wasn't his real name. He'd been nervous when Fenris trained him for the job when he first started, thinking that Fenris hated him. His white hair, weird tattoos and quiet, derisive nature always made Garrett feel inadequate. But he realized that was just how Fenris was. Eventually they'd grown closer with every shift, making fun of their co-workers or bitching about the inconvenience of the wholesale store's layout, and work in general.

Fenris nodded to him, taking a long drag on his cigarette before flicking it away. Garrett tried that once, thankfully not with a lit one and not anywhere anyone could see him. It ended up bouncing off his leg and falling pathetically to the ground. It wasn't as if he'd planned on starting to smoke anyway.

"Last customers are still hanging around the beer cave," Fenris said in his deep gravelly tone.

That explained why he was outside the store instead of in it. Garrett always liked getting in early, heading to the back and waiting for the customers to empty out before he started to unload the truck. But Fenris's habit of lingering outside until the last minute rubbed off on him. They'd been late a few times, but the closing manager who was around for an hour or so doing drawers was always pretty lenient.

"So," Garrett said, shoving in his hands in the pockets of his hoodie. "You weren't around tonight for the raid."

Fenris shrugged.

Garrett convinced him to join the game, even offered to pay for the account for him, which Fenris declined. But he did play, and after learning the mechanics, Fenris turned out to be a very decent DPSer. He favored two handed swords like Carver, and there was always a fight over loot drops. Or more accurately Fenris would win a roll and Carver would spend the next several days bitching about how he could've really used that sword/breastplate/ring.

"If you came, we could've dropped Carver."

Fenris snorted. "Sorry for not being there, then. I had things to do."

Garrett left it at that. They never got too personal. Except the one time that Garrett made Fenris promise he wouldn't tell the rest of the guild he was actually male instead of female. There was a slightly awkward silence that followed before Fenris accepted it. They hadn't talked about it since, but Fenris referred to him as 'Marian' online. Even Carver had started to do it, though Garrett suspected it was more out of spite and hatred than because he actually wanted to be helpful.

They went in after the last customers left, and waved to the night cop before clocking in. Overnight stocking was great once you had the hang of it. For the first two or three hours it was unloading the truck, then you picked a section (or had one assigned) and put out the product. Front faced it, made it look nice and neat and then set up any displays that needed setting up. It was the perfect job for Garrett. He and Fenris communicated via walkie, he was allowed to listen to music (tonight it was audio books – Anders sent him an assortment of novels,) and he could text as long as he got his work done.

More often than not, he and Fenris would finish early and spend the last hour playing Tekken in the café's arcade. Garrett was quietly impressed at how Fenris rigged it for free games. Later he looked online and found the input code that would do it. But still, impressive. That was where they would talk and gossip, mostly about their co-workers on the morning shift that they would see for a few minutes in the break room during shift change. Actually, Garrett didn't really know many people at work aside from the closing manager and Fenris. He wasn't sure he'd have been able to point them out if they were out of uniform.

Earbuds in, he picked the first book in the list and set to work. Nearly an hour later, he broke down and finally sent a text.

**To: Anders  
Are these all horror stories?**

A few seconds later, his phone vibrated.

**From: Anders  
H.P. Lovecraft is good for you. Are you scared? I can come take care of you.**

Garrett smirked.

**To: Anders  
What makes you think I need taking care of?**

**From: Anders  
Ah, I forgot. You're the big bad tank. Sorry, must be my protective nature. You know, I was going to be a doctor once.**

Garrett wished he could just call and talk to him. Not that he minded texting, but he always felt a little guilty spending so much time doing it at work. He didn't reply right away, breaking down boxes and frisbeeing the cardboard down the aisle. One time, he'd thought he'd be cool and race down, using the flat box as a sort of skateboard. He was lucky he hadn't broken his arm the way he fell, smacking his elbow on the cold concrete floor. Luckily Fenris was one aisle over and heard him yell, and after determining it wasn't broken, they decided not to file a worker's compensation form.

_"They'll write you up for fooling around. What were you trying to do, anyway?"_

_"Um. Skate on it."_

_Fenris stared at him._

_"You know. Slide across the floor on it."_

_"You're an idiot, Hawke."_

And Garrett accepted that. He also hadn't tried it again. His pocket vibrated and he resisted temptation for all of five minutes before checking.

**From: Anders  
Attch: Picture0007.jpg  
Are you busy or just ignoring me?**

Garrett opened the attachment and grinned. It was a picture of Anders pouting at the camera. From the looks of it, he'd just gotten out of the shower, his hair wet and hanging around his face. He could just see the tops of his bare shoulders. In most of the shots Garrett had seen of him, his hair was pulled back and he was dressed semi-professionally – button down shirt, nice pants. Garrett supposed he had to maintain a good image, representing the THEDAS game in those pictures. He wasn't sure if preferred that or this. He saved the picture before replying.

**To: Anders  
Ignoring you of course.**

**From: Anders  
Attch: Picture0008.jpg  
You're making me cry, hon.**

The picture was Anders again, only this time he'd added eyedrops and was holding a tissue next to his pouting face. Garrett laughed.

**To: Anders  
Stop! I'm sorry. I could never ignore you. I'm just busy. Talk to you on break?**

**From: Anders  
Looking forward to it. We can discuss Lovecraft then. Don't keep me waiting, beautiful.**

Garrett frowned slightly as he slid his phone back into his pocket. He switched from the audio book to his 80s playlist and concentrated on work, thinking about the last sentence. _Beautiful._ He had considered giving Anders a fake picture of himself out of fairness, but lost his nerve. He joked about being ugly, having warts, and put it down again to his chronic shyness. In truth, he didn't think he was bad looking. He'd even had a few girlfriends through school and lost his virginity to a very eager co-ed his first year in college. Despite it being a less than stellar experience, he tried again with another girl, and on the third go round, he realized that girls might not be for him.

Not that he had yet worked up the nerve to ask another guy out. And when his mother stumbled on his porn collection – her computer was in for repairs and she was using his to look up recipes – they'd had an awkward talk. Loving, compassionate, and understanding, but awkward. That was three years ago and he was still mortified to think about it. When he met Fenris there was an initial spark of attraction, but it fell by the wayside fast. Garrett didn't regret not pursuing it though. He considered Fenris his closest friend – in person, that was. Besides, he'd heard the horror stories of some of the dayshift people who dated and swore he'd never mix business and romance. Too messy.

The walkie static burst interrupted his thoughts and Jani Lane's vocals, and Garrett pulled his earbuds out. "Come again?"

"You done with your section?"

"Three more boxes."

"I brought pasta for us."

"Be there in two minutes."

He quickly broke down the rest of his pallet, tossing items on the shelf. There would be time to front face later. It was another reason he loved working with Fenris. Garrett couldn't cook. He had what his mother deemed, "Bachelor's Syndrome" and refused to let him near the stove after setting the smoke alarms off for the sixth time. Fenris? Fenris could cook, and it was always delicious. As he wound the aisles to the back of the store, he sent a text to Anders.

**To: Anders  
On break. Didn't get to finish listening to Lovecraft. OK maybe I'm a little freaked out by it. :P**

As he reached the break room, he felt the vibration from the return text.

**From: Anders  
Attch: Picture0009.jpg  
Don't worry about it, sweetheart. This big strong healer will keep you safe.**

Garrett looked at the picture. Anders, still shirtless, taking a picture of himself in the mirror, flexing his arm, kissing his bicep. He was tall and skinny, as if he'd never been properly fed as a kid. But Garrett didn't mind that. Too many muscles was a turn off. If he had to say he had a particular type of man, Anders would definitely fit the mold.

"You're blushing," Fenris said, as the microwave beeped.

"It's nothing," Garrett said quickly, shoving his phone back in his pocket. "Pasta?"

Fenris smirked. "Sit. I'll get you a fork."

Not for the first time, Garrett was grateful for Fenris's personal boundaries.


	3. Chapter 3

**MaidMarian:** What do you mean you found the person that killed my family? My family was killed by darkspawn.

**SpicyHeals:** If only it were so, my dear lady.

**MaidMarian:** Tell me what you're talking about. Now.

**SpicyHeals:** Your family wasn't destroyed in the blight. They were betrayed by their dear friend, Arl Howe.

It was late, nearly three in the morning on one of Garrett's nights off. After helping Merrill with a difficult quest and crafting some PvP gear for Isabela, Garrett decided to reward himself with a little roleplay. Unfortunately, everyone else had decided they'd take an early night and Garrett spent the next hour by himself, farming for herbs and ore, and was just thinking about signing off to watch a movie when Anders signed on. When he started speaking to Garrett in character, Garrett wasn't about to argue.

**MaidMarian:** How could you possibly know that?

**SpicyHeals:** I know the Arl's son. He's still being persecuted for his father's crimes. We've found incriminating documents detailing Howe's plans to take over your family's lands.

**MaidMarian:** But… how could he? My parents' best friend… They TRUSTED him!!   
**MaidMarian:** _tries to hold back tears of anger._

**SpicyHeals:** _hesitates, but hugs MaidMarian_  
 **SpicyHeals:** I am sorry, my lady. But I swear to you, we will get revenge. I will see Howe pay for his crimes even if I have to take on the entire castle myself. No one hurts you and gets away with it.

**MaidMarian:** _looks up, tears in her eyes._

**SpicyHeals:** _leans down and kisses her gently._

Garrett did not giggle. He did however, do a slightly wiggling dance in his chair. Which was not what Marian would do, he thought. She would either shove him away and tell him she didn't need protecting or… She would take charge. Could he do that? Probably not if Anders was right here, kissing him. More likely he would just sit there like a statue, paralyzed with fear. Nervous excitement gripped him as he grinned and resumed typing.

**MaidMarian:** _hesitates just for a second before returning the kiss, then pushes SpicyHeals against the wall, still kissing him._

There was a bit of a pause before Anders replied.

**SpicyHeals:** _is putty in Marian's hands, has wanted this for so long, he can't even begin to tell her what this means to him._  
 **SpicyHeals:** _surrenders to that warm mouth, so sweet, so beautiful, to him, she is like coming home._  
 **SpicyHeals:** _doesn't want this to end._

Garrett let out a breath. "Damn, Anders…"

**MaidMarian:** _pulls back slowly, looking up at him._

**SpicyHeals:** _brushes a lock of hair behind her ear._  
 **SpicyHeals:** Forgive me for saying this, my lady. I know I'm no nobleman and you deserve someone befitting your station…

**MaidMarian:** I don't care. Say it.

Garrett bit his lip.

**SpicyHeals:** I've fallen in love with you.

Garrett stared at his screen, his world momentarily reduced to those six words. It was so stupid, he thought, to feel so elated. It wasn't real; they were simply playing the game. Even though Anders flirted with him, he flirted with everyone in the guild and those outside it as well. He probably typed those words in character more times than he could remember.

**MaidMarian:** I feel the same. I've felt the same for a long time now.

**SpicyHeals:** I know this is all a bit sudden, and it's hardly proper…

**MaidMarian:** To the flames with propriety!

**SpicyHeals:** (OOC: lol! I love her so much.)

And there it was. Garrett didn't mind a little character breaking, but when it happened, the illusion shattered for him. He couldn't blame Anders though. Garrett had set up Marian to be what he'd wanted to be. Confident, popular. Take charge. Even though she was an extension of himself, he couldn't imagine doing the things she did in game. If the game had been real, he thought he'd be a farmer or a merchant. An NPC who died in the first big battle.

**SpicyHeals:** Come with me. We can build a life together.

_Yes. In a heartbeat._ Garrett shook his head.

**MaidMarian:** I can't. I need to finish things here. Howe will pay for what he's done.

**SpicyHeals:** Then I will stay by your side, my lady, until justice is served.

**MaidMarian:** You mean more to me than anything in this world. I love you.

"Ugh," Garrett grunted, letting his head fall to the desk with a _thud_ , rattling the spoon in his coffee mug. 

He was such a terrible writer. Though Anders never seemed to complain, he could only cringe in embarrassment when he compared his words to the poetry that SpicyHeals spouted at Marian.

_At least it's in character. Fierce female warriors like Marian wouldn't have the head for that stuff._

He looked back up at the screen.

**SpicyHeals:** _wishes to trade with you._

Garrett opened the trade box and gaped.

**MaidMarian:** OMG WHERE DID YOU GET THIS?

**SpicyHeals:** lol! I guess that's it for the rp?

**MaidMarian:** Sorry!!

**SpicyHeals:** I went farming.

Garrett tabbed out to check the site for the full details on the sword that Anders was currently handing over to him. Maric's Blade – the blade of the former king of Ferelden. His mouth was watering just reading the stats. The chances of it dropping were astronomically low. It was, literally speaking, the best one handed sword in the game, perfect for warrior tanking. It was also worth a lot of money both in game gold and real world currency because of how rare it was. He tabbed back to the game. SpicyHeals had started to dance.

**MaidMarian:** I can't believe you got me this. Are you sure?

**SpicyHeals:** I got it for you, sweetheart.

**MaidMarian:** I don't know how to repay you.

**SpicyHeals:** Let me call you.

"Fuck."

Garrett sat back heavily in his chair. If Anders called, he would know immediately that Garrett wasn't Marian, that he wasn't even female. Garrett might not have had a lot of stereotypically manly traits, but his deep voice was something he inherited from his father. There was no mistaking that. But how could he say no now? Anders must've been farming for that sword for weeks – months! The least he owed him was a phone call.

**SpicyHeals:** You don't have to say anything. I'll get you on skype. Voice only and you can mute your mic. Please?

That would work. Garrett turned on his laptop and signed in, making sure his mic was muted. His webcam had been disabled a long time ago when he'd first gotten the laptop. For school, he mused. It didn't have the power he needed to run the game, but it was good for watching movies and chatting in bed. And now, apparently, for late night skype calls.

**MaidMarian:** Alright. Signing off here now. You can call.

He signed out and moved to the bed, sitting cross-legged and nervous. The familiar chimes of an incoming call filled the room. He swallowed and accepted it.

"Hey."

Garrett loved his voice. There was a slight English accent to it. Anders told him he'd spent a few years abroad and it just sort of stuck. He typed back.

**Hawke:** Hi. I'm here.

Anders chuckled. "One day I'm going to break down that wall, you know. If you're anything like how you are in game or over chat, you don't need to worry about being shy."

Garrett paused.

**Hawke:** I can't help it.

"Mm. That's fine. I don't mind the sound of my own voice at least." He laughed again. "About the sword, Mare, really, it's fine. If nothing else it gives me an interesting anecdote to tell at the next convention. How many times I died trying to kill a dozen ogres and that emissary just to get Maric's sword for you. Ah, amore."

**Hawke:** Well, Spicy does love Marian, doesn't he?

Silence for a moment. "That he does," Anders whispered.

The intensity of his tone caused Garrett to shiver. He thought he could imagine Anders there with him, next to him. He wondered how many people envisioned such nerdy pillow talk.

"I would love to hear your voice. Someday."

**Hawke:** Why is it so important?

"It would make our nighttime conversations a bit less awkward and one-sided for one. Don't… you want that? Or have I been misinterpreting things?"

Misinterpreting? Garrett licked his lips, heart beating wildly in his chest. 

**Hawke:** What do you mean?

"I… well. Now I feel a bit foolish really." Another pause, a breath. "I know it's just been roleplay, but all those conversations we've had out of game, I feel… extraordinarily close to you. I flirt all the time. With everyone, you know that. But I've always played my cards pretty close to my chest when it came to any real feelings. It's… you get hurt if you get too close."

**Hawke:** Not always.

The arrow on Garrett's touchpad hovered over the microphone button. He could tap it, start talking, ask Anders what he meant. The anticipation of a confession was overwhelming. Would Anders still feel the same way if he knew the truth? Would he feel betrayed?

"I fell in love once. We were together for about two years before… he died. Hit by a drunk driver and ended up in a coma."

Garrett started to type, then held the backspace button down. No amount of typing, 'I'm sorry,' could convey what he was feeling now.

"After a few months, they decided to take him off life support."

Garrett felt his chest constrict with the pain of losing a loved one. His own father's death had been quick, a heart attack though he was so young. He didn't suffer much and they'd been thankful for small mercies. But you never quite got over the loss, never quite let go of the grief. Anders wasn't crying, but his tone was somber, and he sighed heavily.

"Since then it's been hard for me to admit any sort of feelings for anyone. Flirting is easy. You push them away when they get too close. But… I don't want to push you away. Do you… understand?"

**Hawke:** I love you.

Garrett hit enter before his brain could catch up with his typing, and winced. He was frozen, fingers curled upon the keyboard, palms sweating, mouth dry.

"I'm glad to hear you say that. Or see you type it as the case may be," Anders said, sounding relieved. "I… feel the same. I'm glad you don't think it's ridiculous. So many people still scoff at the idea of finding love through this medium. And about… about him. Karl, my boyfriend who passed… That doesn't bother you that I've been with men?"

Oh god this was going to turn into one big, giant mess. But at least Garrett knew for sure that Anders wasn't opposed to it.

**Hawke:** Of course it doesn't bother me. No one should be judged just for being who they are.

"That's not always the response I get." He laughed a bit. "I've written articles for gaming sites that have had a polarizing effect. How there needs to be more representation of the different types of sexuality in games. Though the gaming community overall is fairly accepting, there are still those that think bisexuality especially in men is just a myth. I've been trying to change minds with my writing, but sometimes I feel it's like shouting at a brick wall."

**Hawke:** It's a heavy topic.

"Indeed. But I don't know. Do you think I can change the gaming world?"

**Hawke:** If anyone can do it, it's you. You're so popular and everyone seems to really respect you.

Anders chuckled, and Garrett closed his eyes a moment, listening.

"You're sweet." He sighed. "We'll see, I suppose. Well, I'll let you go. Not all of us can keep a nocturnal sleep schedule and I'm pushing my limits."

**Hawke:** All right. Sleep well.

"You too… love."

Anders hung up and signed off before Garrett could respond. He looked up at his ceiling, drawing in a deep breath and holding it. A part of him had thought… but he never wanted to hope. He'd always imagined someone telling him they were in love with him with some big dramatic fanfare like in the movies. The guy would go all out and hire a band or spray paint it on the window to her office or maybe even get a skywriter. But Anders had done something better. He said it with a sword. A very rare, very powerful sword. Garrett knew it would sound foolish to anyone who didn't play. His mother, for instance, wouldn't ever understand. But his friends would. Would Anders want them to know?

Garrett shut his laptop down and put it on his nightstand, rattling the empty cans of energy drinks, and instead put in his earbuds. It was still several hours before he'd even start to get tired, and when the sun started to come up, he was still listening to the audio books Anders had given him, though his mind was more on the sender than on the plot.


	4. Chapter 4

"He gave you Maric's blade."

Garrett was sitting on the hood of his car, holding an overpriced coffee between his hands. The morning was dark and grey and overcast, autumn settling in and preparing for winter. A chill wind pulled at his hoodie and he sipped the scalding, sweet liquid. Fenris stood against the back wall of the coffee shop where they'd parked for privacy. Inside, despite the earliness of the hour, it was much too crowded. He'd asked Fenris for coffee after their shift and his friend agreed, perhaps sensing Garrett's eagerness to talk about what happened. And then the entire story poured out, Fenris listening quietly as Garrett rambled about his feelings for Anders.

"And then he called me."

"Mm," Fenris said, setting his cup on top of the metal air conditioning unit. He pulled out a fresh pack of cigarettes, tossing the plastic on the ground.

Garrett would've admonished him for littering, but the back parking lot was already a swirl of leaves and other garbage. He watched Fenris tap the pack against his palm, remove a cigarette and place it between his lips before lighting it. He looked so _cool_ it made Garrett a bit self-conscious. He sipped his coffee again.

"So," Fenris said, releasing a breath. "He takes several hours out of each day, every day for months to obtain an extremely rare sword. And… you still think he's just pretending to like you in game?"

"Roleplaying and pretending are two different things," Garrett said defensively, before he realized how stupid it sounded. "I mean, they're the same but they're not. His character likes my character."

"Have you told him you're not actually a woman?"

Garrett sighed and hung his head.

"Hawke, you're an idiot."

"So you keep telling me."

"I'll continue to do so until you stop."

"Thanks, Fenris. You're a true friend," he muttered.

"Mm," Fenris replied, and Hawke took it as a go ahead to continue.

"It was a one-sided conversation. He spoke. I typed." Garrett looked at the mocha brown drop on the lip of the lid. He licked it before taking another sip. "And we sort of… confessed our attraction to one another. I told him I loved him and he said he felt the same."

Fenris clucked his tongue.

"What?" Garrett asked, looking up.

"You should tell him the truth. Relationships built on lies…"

Garrett frowned. "I know… He says he's been with men before. He told me about a boyfriend he had once." He wouldn't tell Fenris the details. It wasn't his story to tell and he wouldn't betray Anders' trust like that. Hell, he was already betraying his trust.

"So why not tell him the truth?"

"What if he gets angry?"

Fenris shrugged. "I expect he will, regardless. Better now than later, though."

"What if he doesn't like me after I tell him?"

And that was the crux of it. Before their conversation, Garrett could justify his not telling Anders that he was male because he wasn't sure if Anders was even attracted to other men. Now he had no more excuses for not telling him. It was terrifying to think that the only reason Anders would have for not liking him was Garrett's own personality.

"You're being absurd."

"And you're absurd for using the word 'absurd.' No one says that anymore."

Fenris raised an eyebrow.

Garrett sighed heavily, taking a long sip of his coffee, burning his tongue. "Ow… Well. I mean, what if he stops talking to me?"

"Then I suppose you'll find others who'll talk to you." A pause. "But not me."

"Oh thanks."

"Anytime."

They sat in silence for a bit longer as the day moved from dark grey to light grey and the wind started picking up. Garrett shivered, finishing the last of his coffee.

"Do you want a ride home?" he asked finally. "Too cold to take the bus."

"Too annoying to take the bus," Fenris huffed. "Alright." He stubbed out his cigarette against the brick building and took up his coffee.

Garrett slid into the driver's seat and pulled out of the lot, letting Fenris fiddle with the radio. They drove in comfortable silence until over the sound of the radio came a new song.

_In my life, there's been heartache and pain, I don't know if I can face it again. Can't stop now, I've traveled so far to change this lonely life_

Fenris looked over, and Garrett fumbled in his pocket, finally feeling the phone vibrating against his chest. He pulled it out and glanced at the screen.

"Foreigner?" Fenris snorted. "Really?"

"Shut up!" Garrett snapped. "Foreigner's awesome," he muttered. "Can you end it for me? It's him." He passed the phone to Fenris.

_I wanna know what love is.  
I want you to show me-_

"Hello?" came Fenris's voice, and Garrett had a nasty realization that he'd accepted the call. "Marian? She's driving right now."

What was he doing?!

_FENRIS! I WILL KILL YOU IN YOUR SLEEP!_

"I'll definitely tell her you called. Is this Anders? SpicyHeals?"

_I could crash the car. That would get him off the phone._

He took the opportunity of a red light to turn and glare at him. Fenris was smirking.

"Mm, yes, this is Fenris. That's right, LittleBadWolf." He paused. "No, not a Doctor Who reference. You'd be surprised how many people ask me that. What? No, it's… a personal thing."

A car behind them honked and Garrett realized the light turned. He felt the heat in his cheeks as he continued to drive. Fenris's apartment was just a few more blocks, then he could wrestle the phone away and hang up, then text Anders an apology.

"Of course I'll tell her. I'd be happy to attend. Two weeks, right? I thought the tickets were sold out."

Garrett mouthed, 'Tickets?' at Fenris, while trying to keep his eyes on the road.

Fenris smirked. "Oh lucky us then. Four tickets? That's generous… E-mail is fine… And a hotel room? I'll _definitely_ let her know… Yes, I'll make sure she comes… Don't mention it… You too." He ended the call.

Garrett yanked the car into the apartment's lot, tires pealing on the asphalt as he pulled into a spot and slammed the breaks. "What the hell?! What tickets? Where am I going?"

Fenris tossed the phone to Garrett, who caught it one-handed against his chest, and opened the door, getting out.

"Fenris!"

Fenris leaned down, looking at him sternly. "The THEDAS convention in two weeks."

The convention? "That's in New York City."

"How very astute of you." Fenris stood, closing the car door.

Garrett quickly got out, getting tangled in his seatbelt as he stood up. "Fenris!"

Fenris turned, pulling keys from his pocket. "You're going, Hawke. And you're going to tell him. Or I'm going to send him the video I made of you singing and dancing to 'Dream On' in the condiment aisle."

Garrett opened his mouth to protest and stopped dead. He remembered that night. He'd broken an entire box of Welch's Blackberry Jam. Six large family-sized bottles. The worse thing was they were the plastic kind, yet somehow they all cracked. As he was cleaning up, Aerosmith had come on his playlist and he decided to make the most of things.

"You didn't!"

"You can call my bluff."

He stared at Fenris for a moment, wanting nothing more than to yell at him. Or punch him in the face. But Fenris turned on his heel and headed up the stairs. Garrett watched him stop on the third floor and unlock a door, looking out over the rail to wave at him before he disappeared inside. Still feeling stunned, Garrett slumped back into the car, pulled on his seatbelt, and sat for a minute. His phone beeped, and he looked.

**1 New E-mail(s)**

He tapped the notification and read.

**From: Anders  
** Subject: THEDAS TIX  
Attch: tix.zip 

**Hey Beautiful! Managed to snag four. Sounds like Fenris wants to come, so make sure he gets one. Bring whoever else you feel like. Don't worry about lodging. They always give me extra rooms and I usually end up giving them away in blog contests. I'll make sure we have one to ourselves. ;)**

**Not that I'm a pervert. Well, I am. Our room will have two beds, I promise. Or you can room with Isabela if that makes you feel better, but I warn you that she's more hands-y than I am. As far as travel expenses go, you're only like three hours away, right? I'll pay for gas. Now you have no more excuses. Come see me, please? It won't be nearly as fun without you there. I'm even doing a panel!**

**Would love your support, babe.**

**-A**

Garrett read the message two more times. He'd known about the convention of course. The tickets were too expensive, and while he loved the idea of meeting up with others who played the game, a convention meant a lot of people. Hundreds, even thousands all together in one space for a weekend. People he'd have to talk to in person. And Anders.

Anders.

He would have to tell him now, wouldn't he? Before they went.

His phone vibrated and he looked down. A text. He opened it.

**From: Fenris  
Go home, loser.**

He looked up. Fenris was leaning out the window casually, looking down at him. With a scowl, Garrett flipped him off before starting the car and pulling out. He tried not to panic on his way home, thinking about what he had to do. He could call Anders when he got home, explain the whole thing. Or e-mail him. E-mailing seemed like the coward's way out, but it was definitely the easiest. But wouldn't it seem like he was just using Anders to get the sword? He could return the sword, of course. Unless it was bind on equip. Shit, he didn't even think to look at it before he equipped it.

Drumming his fingertips on the steering wheel, he turned down his street, stopping to see Bethany walking the opposite direction. He pulled over to the wrong side and rolled down his window.

"Hey, gorgeous, looking for a ride?"

"Twenty bucks to party," she joked, coming over.

"Where's Carver?" Garrett asked. "Wasn't he supposed to give you a ride?"

"We had a fight," she said with a shrug. "I was going to walk to the bus."

"Get in," Garrett said, slightly irritated. "I'll talk to him later."

Bethany hopped into the passenger side. "Don't worry about it. I was going to ditch first period anyway. This just gives me an excuse."

"Ditch – Bethany!" Garrett scowled. "You can't ditch."

"Why not?" she asked innocently. "I've already got enough credits to graduate. I'm only still going because my friends are there and I don't like anyone in first period."

"It'll reflect on your night classes," Garrett said, pulling a three point turn.

"Trust me, I have it all figured out."

Garrett sighed. He knew he shouldn't get involved in his siblings' schooling. He personally hadn't graduated college, so pushing them to go was a bit hypocritical. And besides, if anyone needed scolding when it came to truancy and grades, it was Carver. Bethany had been taking AP level classes since the previous year and classes at night in order to get her college degree faster. He was proud of her.

_Her._

He suddenly had an idea.

"Tell you what," he said, "I'll cover for you for first period if you do me a favor."

"What's that?"

"Let's get coffee and I'll tell you about it."


	5. Chapter 5

They sat in the mall's coffee shop, the only thing open this early, primarily for the mall's employees. Garrett watched as they trickled in, heads down and yawning. He was tired as well, but once he could convince Bethany of his plan, he could drop her off at school and head home for the night. Day. When you worked overnights it was easy to get those two mixed up. He opted for hot chocolate. Downing another coffee so close to his last when he should be winding down for bed wasn't the best idea. Bethany sipped her vanilla chai latte, leaning forward, waiting.

"Are you sure that shirt's in dress code?" Garrett asked. 

Bethany looked down at her cleavage and back up. "It's the style. And I look good."

"But everyone can see your…" he started, gesturing to his own chest.

"Please stop talking about my breasts, Garrett."

Garrett scowled. "I just don't want a repeat of that Italian exchange student."

Zevran Arainai was in Bethany and Carver's eighth grade class. Garrett had pulled into the parking lot to pick them up after school and saw Zevran trying to kiss her. There'd been a confrontation and the only reason Garrett hadn't smeared the kid's face into the pavement was because it would've meant jail time due to the age difference. Bethany insisted it was no big deal, and in the end, Zevran had apologized profusely, his host family sending theirs a lovely bottle of red wine and a dozen red roses for Bethany.

"Then I'm definitely not telling you about my friend I met in my night class."

"Oh come on, Bethy!" He really didn't like the idea of some college aged kid hitting on his almost-legal-but-not-quite-yet sister.

"He plays that game you do."

"Mage side or Templar side?" Hawke asked, his momentary irritation forgotten.

"What side were we on?" she asked, sipping her latte.

"Mage."

"The other one."

Garrett gritted his teeth, hating Mr. College even more now. Hitting on his baby sister and he couldn't even have the decency to pick the right faction. "You're too young. Mom'll flip."

"We're not _dating_ Garrett."

"Oh god!"

Bethany laughed. "We're not having sex, either. He's religious."

"Oh god!"

Bethany stuck her tongue out at him. "Stop. Seriously. He's taken a vow of celibacy until he gets his head straight. He lost his family in a plane crash and… well. I talked to him a little about Dad," she said quietly.

Garrett pushed away the initial feeling of irritation. Hadn't he talked to Anders about Malcolm? That's how he found out about Anders' own family after all. He couldn't get mad at Bethany for confiding in a friend.

"As long as he's not trying to sleep with you. Guys are pigs."

"He's not trying, I promise. Sebastian is really sweet."

"Stupid name, though."

"Gare!"

"Sorry," he said, not feeling sorry at all. Regardless of sweetness, Mr. College was still on Garrett's radar for now.

She shook her head but smiled, a bit exasperated. "This is why I don't tell you or Carver anything about my friends. If I did, you would scare them all away. Anyway. What did you want to talk to me about?"

Garrett carefully turned the cup in his hand, eyes glazing over the little quotes about coffee printed on the side. "It's about the game. I told you about that guy… my friend, Anders. Remember him?"

"The… crossbow dwarf?" she guessed.

"No, that's Varric. The mage healer. You know. Nationally ranked, semi-famous in the gaming world?"

"Oh right. The one you have a serious crush on."

Garrett frowned. He couldn't really deny it. "Things are getting a little serious."

Bethany laughed, and Garrett glared. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to laugh. It's just you sitting there with your coffee-"

"Hot chocolate."

"Whatever. Saying that, reminded me of that meme. You know, 'You could say things are getting pretty serious.'"

Garrett rolled his eyes. "Bethy! Come on!"

Bethany stifled her giggles. "Okay. So how serious? Moving in with him serious? Mom will be upset."

"No. Nothing like that." He couldn't tell her about Maric's sword. Fenris made fun of him, but at least he understood. And while he loved Bethany, he really couldn't take it if she laughed at him. Again. "But we at least got to the point where we… talked about how we felt."

"Like normal humans?"

"Normal for us."

"So it was some sort of sappy in-game love confession?"

"I'm not that big of a nerd." _Yes, I am._

"Yes, you are," Bethany said with a smile. "But it's cute. Then what?"

"Well see, the thing is that he thinks I'm a… girl," he said, embarrassed.

Bethany raised an eyebrow, a look of disbelief on her face. "Why?"

"Because I play a girl in the game." He shifted a bit in his chair, sipping his hot chocolate.

"That's… Okay, so just tell him you're not. If he's not an asshole, he won't get mad."

"He's bi, apparently."

"Oh." Bethany frowned, thinking. "So… what's the problem them? You tell him you're a guy. You can even use a pithy line like, 'I'm not a woman but I play one on TV.'"

"That's not pithy, that's stupid."

"I'm trying to help, Gare."

"I can't just tell him. He'll end up hating me."

"So you're going to keep it a secret your entire life? You really think this guy will be content to just have a long-distance relationship with you without ever hearing your voice or seeing your face? I mean, you've seen him, right? He's an adult? You're not ten years old, Garrett. Dating is more than just holding hands in the lunchroom now."

Garrett sighed. "I know that. I was hoping… Okay, there's this convention coming up in two weeks and he got tickets and invited me to go."

Bethany reached over and hit his arm with the back of her hand. "Perfect! So you go there with a sign or whatever or – OH! You could go in character. I'll help you sew your costume! – and confess. He can't murder you in a room full of people."

"Actually I was hoping you'd pretend to be me."

Bethany stared at him, and he hated how expressive her eyes could be. Right now in them he was reading, 'Garrett, you're my brother and I love you, but you're really stupid.'

"No."

"Please!" Garrett begged. "You won't have to see him much. Just introduce yourself and then I'll have Fenris pull you away and we can spend the rest of the convention dodging him."

"That sounds stupid and exhausting."

"I'll pay you."

"Gare, no." She sighed. "Why can't you just tell him?"

"Because I can't. Because I have no idea how."

"Then I'll tell him for you."

Garrett's eyes widened. "No! Then he'll think I'm a coward." He frowned at the look on her face. "Okay so maybe I am. I'm just… really, really nervous. Just do this one favor for me and I'll owe you for the rest of my life. I'll be your servant forever."

"As tempting as that sounds…"

"Bethy. Please. I'm begging you. I'll get on my knees here. Do you want me to do that?" he asked, sliding from his chair. "On the dirty floor-"

"No!" she said, laughing, grabbing his hand. "People will think you're proposing to me in a mall café, then you'll be even more classless than you already are."

"Thanks!"

"You're a bit of a barbarian, Gare."

"So you'll do it?"

Bethany sighed. "Just me, you and Fenris? How did you even get him to agree? I thought he was Mr. Anti-Social. Mother keeps trying to get you to bring him to dinner."

"He is. But he answered my phone when Anders called and agreed on my behalf. He'll go because he wants me to go. He'll probably get my failings on tape too." Garrett hadn't thought about that. Fenris could make a video, 'The Epic Downfall of Hawke.' The 'Dream On' song and dance would be the opening piece. It would be the biggest hit on YouTube.

"I don't think Mom'll let me go."

"I have four tickets. I'll bring Carver too. He's part of the guild after all. She'll let you go if we're both there. And if you call her every day."

"I want it noted that I think this is an incredibly stupid idea."

"Mentally checked," Garrett said. "So?"

Bethany sighed. "Alright, fine."

Garrett pumped his fist in the air. "Yes!" He lowered it quickly when two ladies at the next table looked over at him. "Thank you, Bethy. I promise I'll make it up to you."

"I'm sure. Now. Instead of school, why don't you drop me off downtown instead?"

"But-"

She leaned forward, grinning. "Or we can just skip the convention altogether?"

"I hate that you learned how to blackmail people. That's an ugly, ugly trait," he said, standing.

She grinned and took his arm. "I know."


	6. Chapter 6

**MaidMarian:** Yes, I'll be there.

**SpicyHeals:** \o/ Yes! I can't wait. I'll send you pictures of the hotel. I'll be there Thursday setting up if you want to come early.

**MaidMarian:** I can't really take that many days off. I'm fighting now just to get that weekend since Fenris is going too, we'll have to pull longer shifts before we leave.

**SpicyHeals:** They should hire more people.

Garrett laughed. He'd said the same thing to Fenris. But since they worked so efficiently they made the daytime stockers look bad, extra night staff wasn't exactly necessary. The only time they hired on temps was during the holidays or special events.

**MaidMarian:** I'll be there for the convention. I promise.

**SpicyHeals:** I can't wait to see you. I'm going to kiss you so much.

Garrett cringed. Hopefully Bethany could sweet-talk her way out of that.

**MaidMarian:** I'd rather the first kiss be in private.

**SpicyHeals:** Fair enough.

**ComeGetSome:** Kisses?

Garrett blushed. They'd been in guild chat, not a private conversation, and he hadn't even seen Isabela sign on.

**SpicyHeals:** Yes and you're not invited. This is strictly between Marian and myself.

**ComeGetSome:** Aw, no fair. Are you going to 8====D~~ ( . Y . )

**SpicyHeals:** What the hell even is that?

**ComeGetSome:** Cum on her tits.

Garrett signed off quickly. They hadn't been doing anything in particular in game anyway and there were no raids scheduled for tonight. He didn't really feel like being subjected to crude emoticon humor from Isabela, speculating about his nonexistent sex life. He'd have to warn Bethany about her. Hell, he didn't even think about the others. Varric would be there and so would Merrill. It was getting more and more complicated the more he thought about it.

**Anders:** Hey, I signed out. Did Isabela upset you? You know how she gets. Don't let it bother you. I promise we don't have to do anything you don't want to.

**Hawke:** It’s not that. Don't worry about it. I know she's just being stupid. I'm okay, really. :)

**Anders:** If you're sure… 

**Hawke:** I swear. I think I'll play something else for a bit.

**Anders:** Want to kill zombies together?

Garrett grinned. As much as he loved playing THEDAS and all its available content, sometimes you just needed to headshot a whole lot of zombies. He appreciated that about Anders. Sometimes he seemed so burnt out on the game that it was nice to take a break. And it was fun with just the two of them. 

**Hawke:** Yes. Host it?

**Anders:** Meet you there.

Garrett pulled on his headset with the "broken" mic and accepted the invitation that popped up. He logged in and turned to his left, grabbing up guns, a med pack and a stimulant.

"Hey gorgeous," Anders said, his soft accent coming through Garrett's headphones. His character moved in front of his field of view. "Jump up and down if you can hear me."

Garrett tapped his spacebar a few times. He'd chosen the only female character in this game out of habit. She was pretty badass too, he thought. Anders was the smarmy con man with the cheap suit.

"I'll lead and cover you."

They dove right into the first scenario, Anders making little quips as they ran. Garrett noticed his personality shifted a bit for each game. He was still essentially Anders, but when they raided or ran dungeons, he was serious. Patient. He usually never lost his cool. Unless Carver was doing something stupid of course. He'd been the one to teach Merrill the finer points of being a magic user, showing her a good rotation. And when Merrill decided to spec in blood – a tree Anders particularly hated – he managed to rope a friend from his former guild into helping her learn.

When he played a game like this, he was a bit wild, a bit mouthy. First person shooters weren't Garrett's favorite, nor Anders', but Anders was great at the trash talk. Not for nothing, Garrett supposed, he was a writer. His articles on the THEDAS Insider blog were always a notch above the rest, and Garrett even found an interview Anders did for the HRC talking about the gay gamer lifestyle. He was witty and eloquent, and smart as hell.

And when Anders roleplayed, he was sweet. Kind. Romantic. It was the personality that Garrett was slowly learning on a personal level, like when Anders called to talk to him. He'd seen it before between the flirtations when they discussed intimate things. Garrett imagined that's what it would be like to have a boyfriend. If Anders was his boyfriend now – if he could even consider him one at the moment. It wasn't as if they could go on actual dates, at least not until Garrett manned up and told him the truth. But he couldn't imagine going on dates with anyone but Anders. He'd shared so much of himself with him. He would stay loyal to him. At least until Anders kicked him to the curb, and even then he'd likely not try again for a long time.

A zombie exploded in a spray of viscera. Overkill numbers appeared on screen.

"Bitch, don't touch my woman!"

And then there was that. That sweet overprotectiveness. It was a bit emasculating in a way. Garrett played tough females, but Anders always seemed to have a need to take care of him. Though he supposed he couldn't feel too bad about that. Anders was that way with almost everyone in the group. He would be the one to talk them off a bad day at work or a horrible breakup. Isabela had quite a few of those, after all. Garrett even signed on in guild chat once when Anders was talking to Carver about something very personal on the medical side of things…

Garrett had driven Carver to the doctor himself, bought him several boxes of condoms, promised he wouldn't tell Mother, and then refused to talk about it ever again. For which Carver seemed grateful and resisted calling him a douchebag for at least a week after. Garrett was mortified to think his teenage brother was having sex and potentially contracting STDs, but was at least relieved Carver felt comfortable enough to talk to Anders about it. After all, Anders had attempted medical school once.

"Garrett!"

That wasn't Anders. He heard his mother calling from over his headset. He pulled one side away from his ear. "Yeah?" he called back.

"Help me clean up. Bethany's bringing company!"

Company? A friend from school? Or was Mr. College was coming to dinner? "I'll be right down!"

He typed a quick afk message and paused the game.

"Hurry back," he heard Anders say before he ran downstairs.

The house was never very messy anyway. Their day maid Orana kept things fairly spotless, though she would never go in their bedrooms. Garrett thought she was nice but a little too quiet for his tastes. Then again, since he was only ever woken by her once in the entire time she worked for them, he supposed it was a good trait. She understood he worked nights and slept in the morning, and only ran the vacuum after he was awake.

"Who's coming?" Garrett asked as he helped set the table. "What are you making?"

"A roast. And she said a friend from school. Sebastian Vael."

Mr. College. "Oh."

Leandra sighed. "Bethany told me all about him. According to her he's a perfect gentleman, so you and Carver keep the Spanish Inquisition to a minimum, hm?"

"Fine. But if he hits on Bethany-"

"Then I'll tell him to stop," Bethany said, coming into the dining room. She wrapped her arms around Garrett's waist and hugged tightly. "I can take care of myself. Stop being so nineteen-fifties."

"If it really was nineteen-fifty," Garrett said, "you'd be setting the table instead of me."

She stuck her tongue out at him and pulled a carrot stick from the veggie platter. "You'll love him, Mom. I promise. He's really sweet. He doesn't even really talk about God and stuff too much."

"I think we could with a bit of theological debate," Leandra said with a smile.

"Mo-om," Garrett complained. "Aren't you even worried about like… the age difference?"

"How old is he anyway, sweetie?" Leandra asked.

Bethany shrugged. "Something like thirty, I think."

Both Garrett and Leandra turned to look at her. She grinned innocently.

"I'm going to kill him," Garrett said. "Simple as that. I'll use my replica of Duncan's Dagger I have hanging on my wall and stab him in the gut. Mom, we have enough trash bags, right?"

Leandra tutted. "Now, love, we're a civilized family. I'll just poison his dessert."

Garrett laughed when Bethany complained. She took hold of Leandra's arm.

"He's really sweet, Mom, I promise! You'll love him."

Garrett slipped back upstairs, Bethany's platitudes growing fainter as he settled down in his chair again.

**Hawke:** I'm sorry. Had to help my mom clean. We're having dinner in ten, can I text you after when I get to work?

**Anders:** Breaking my heart, dearest.

**Hawke:** I'll make it up to you.

**Anders:** How?

**Hawke:** You can call me on break and talk to me while I stock shelves. Oh! You can read me Lovecraft. You'll be a better narrator than that guy, I'm sure.

**Anders:** That's a deal.

**Hawke:** Talk to you in a few hours then.

**Anders:** Alright. I love you.

Garrett felt a spark of pleasure in his chest and his face split into a grin.

**Hawke:** I love you too.

He left himself signed in and hurried down for dinner with Mr. College. This would be an interesting night.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With apologies to the Mormon Church. What I know about them could fill a thimble. My knowledge comes from google and The Book of Mormon musical and South Park.
> 
> On that note, if I got something wrong, point it out and I'll do my best to fix it.

Garrett hated Sebastian from the moment they met at the door. Slicked back hair, too-white smile and eyes so bright and blue, he had to be wearing contacts. He wore black slacks, a sea-green long sleeved shirt and a black vest that shimmered in the light, and he'd brought a bottle of sparkling cider of all things.

"Hello!" he greeted with a grin.

And he had an accent. Yep. Definitely hated this guy. Garrett shook his hand though. "You must be Sebastian."

"I must," he said. "And you're… Garrett? Bethany talks about you all the time. You're a lot taller than I thought you'd be."

Garrett didn't smile, but stepped aside. He couldn't help it. Playing the role of intimidating big brother came naturally to him in situations like this. He liked to think that his father would've approved. "Come in."

"Thank you. Oh! You have a lovely home. It reminds me of my childhood home in Edinburgh."

Bethany poked her head into the hall. "Did I hear the doorbell? Oh! Sebastian!" She hurried in and gave him hug.

Sebastian returned it – a bit too familiarly, Garrett thought. He glared at Sebastian's hand on the small of his sister's back.

"So," Garrett said. "You're thirty?"

It wasn't the most tactful thing to say, but it was what came out. Sebastian looked at him, chuckling a little, slightly embarrassed as he released Bethany. He straightened and cleared his throat.

"Twenty-eight, actually. I just had my birthday last month."

_He's three years older than me for crying out loud. Bethany…!_ "Bit old for college."

Sebastian nodded with a slight shrug. "I'm afraid I did a bit poorly in school. I wasn't focused. A few years ago I came to the States to get my head together and decided to go back to get my degree."

"What are you studying?"

"I'm majoring in Theology with a minor in Women's and Gender Studies."

"Women's Studies?" Garrett asked, eyebrow raised.

"Garrett, come on, stop grilling him," Bethany said, taking them both by the hand and leading them through to the dining room.

Leandra was just emerging from the kitchen, carrying the roast. She looked up, eyes settling on Sebastian. There was the briefest moment of scrutiny before she smiled warmly and set the roast down. Removing the potholders – one Bethany knitted her and the other Garrett bought several Christmases ago – she tossed them on the table and crossed to meet him. Sebastian shook her hand, smiling a bit nervously.

"Mrs. Hawke. You have a lovely home, and what a beautiful table."

Garrett cringed. _What a tool. He's trying way too hard._ But, he thought, looking at the table, It was really nice. The roast was the last to be added, a bowl of mashed potatoes and assorted vegetables, the nice dishware that Garrett laid out earlier and the very pretty glasses. He wasn't sure if they had a special name. Flutes maybe? And Granny Amell's lacy tablecloth finished the décor.

"Thank you, Sebastian. That's very kind. Garrett, get your brother for dinner."

Garrett walked to the bottom of the stairs. "CARVER!" he yelled. "DINNER!"

Leandra pursed her lips, eyes slightly narrowed. "Thank you, I could've done that."

_Oops._ Garrett grinned sheepishly, and when Carver thundered down the stairs, slamming into him, he shoved him back.

"Boys!" Leandra admonished. "Honestly."

Sebastian actually held Leandra's chair out for her. Carver glanced at Garrett and they exchanged a look. As much as they disliked one another, they could at least agree on their opinion of Sebastian, Garrett supposed. He took up the carving knife as the vegetables were passed around, and dished out the roast.

"Do you say grace before meals, Sebastian?" Leandra asked. "Bethany tells us you're religious."

"I do yes," Sebastian said with a slight smile. "But it's not necessary. I understand not many people are comfortable with it and I've no desire to press it upon you."

"Oh we can do it for one night," Leandra said. "Carver!"

Carver had already started to eat. He looked up, mouth full. Garrett snickered, taking the bottle of sparkling cider and uncorking it. It smelled good, too, he thought, before he poured everyone a glass.

"Go on," Bethany said, nudging Sebastian.

Sebastian cleared his throat, lowered his head and closed his eyes. "Dear Heavenly Father, we are thankful for this food and for the chance to spend this time together. We're thankful for the people who helped prepare this meal, and please bless them. Please bless those who are not here with us with safety. We say these things in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen."

Garrett shared another look with Carver as Bethany and Leandra both said, "Amen."

"My parents raised me strict Catholic," Leandra said, sipping her cider. "Mm, this is delicious, thank you, Sebastian."

"It's nothing," he said graciously.

"That wasn't Catholic though," she continued.

"No," Sebastian said. "My parents were. That was back home, before I came here. I actually converted to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints."

"Oh I've seen those commercials," Garrett said. "When I was young, they were on TV all the time."

Bethany gave him a look.

"What?" he asked.

"It's true, they were," Sebastian acknowledged. "I can't say I saw them, though, having grown up abroad. In Scotland, I was raised Catholic also but I wasn't a very good one."

"Oh me either," Leandra said. "I hated the rules. When I met my husband, we eloped because my father wouldn't hear of it. We reconciled before my parents passed away, though. The twins were barely a week old when it happened, but Garrett got to meet them one Christmas. Remember?" she asked, looking to Garrett.

Garrett had vague memories of his five-year old self sitting in this dining room, though the wallpaper was extremely tacky, large pastel flowers. The smell of old people and a butterscotch candy he'd almost choked on. "Kind of."

"I am sorry for your loss, Mrs. Hawke."

"It was a long time ago," she said, waving a hand. "What brought you here?"

"My family died in a plane crash," Sebastian said, and Bethany smiled sympathetically. "I needed a fresh start and I thought the best place would be here. I converted to the Mormon Church and found the peace I was looking for. Then I decided I would attend college."

"And you're taking Women's Studies," Garrett prompted.

"I hope to be a counselor for victims of abuse once I receive my degree."

"That's an admirable path," Leandra said.

Garrett frowned. They were losing her. She was supposed to be his ally in this! She was supposed to poison the dessert! He knew she'd just been joking, but still. Sebastian was coming off way too charming to be that innocent. He was probably a serial killer. "And you just decided to make friends with Bethany… out of the goodness of your heart?" _What are you intentions toward my sister, College Boy?_ is what he wanted to say.

"Bethany was the first to engage me in intelligent debate. Unfortunately we had to have the discussion outside of class."

"They were putting him to the stake," Bethany explained. "Theology's a rough course. Not enough open minds in my school."

"What was the debate?" Garrett asked, wishing Carver stopped stuffing his face long enough to back him up a bit.

"Abortion," Bethany said.

Leandra cleared her throat.

Garrett didn't care. "And?"

Sebastian smiled serenely. "I respect the law, but I believe that if the Church – any of them – wants to preach pro-life, they should stop making things harder on the women they're subjugating. Life is a miracle that begins at conception, but the economic status of this country – the world – isn't making it easy for most people to be able to raise a child. And to simply say, 'If you can't afford it, don't have a child,' is ridiculous. We need to open our eyes to what's really going on and react accordingly and stop pretending like things are how they were fifty years ago. The nuclear family is a thing of the past.

"I would see religion stepping forward to encourage women to keep their children and raise them, or find them suitable families to adopt. With Church-sanctioned hospitals for proper health care for pregnant women."

"But you'd take away their choice?" Garrett asked sternly. He looked at his mother, who was listening interestedly. "You're pro-life, so you can't be pro-choice as well." 

"He just said-" Bethany started.

"It's fine," Sebastian calmly. "Abortions should be legal. We've seen what happens when they're not. They're dangerous. But women should have the option especially in cases of abuse or if it endangers the mother's life."

Garrett looked at Leandra, who remained silent. He wished he knew what she was thinking. He'd heard the story before of how she met Malcolm at sixteen and at seventeen she became pregnant. They eloped and Garrett was born. The first few years were a real struggle. When Garrett asked about it – after figuring out the age she had him – Leandra told him that she hadn't even considered it for a second. She'd always wanted children, and Garrett was her little bundle of joy. But it wasn't fair to not even provide someone with a choice.

"What about gay rights?" Garrett said.

Carver rolled his eyes and Garrett punched him in the shoulder.

"Ow. Dick."

"Shut up and eat," Garrett said before looking back to Sebastian.

"The Church endorses love for all of Heavenly Father's children."

"Don't give me that," Garrett said with a hand wave.

"If you'd like, I have some literature in my car-"

"I want to know what _you_ think," Garrett said, his eyes fixed on Sebastian.

"Gare, please," Bethany said.

Carver looked up. "I thought Mormons rode bikes."

Sebastian cleared his throat. "Mormon missionaries do, yes. I inherited a bit of money and commuting by car is easier since I live twenty miles from the school and my work." He looked at Garrett to address his question. "I believe in equal rights under the law."

"Oh really? Because every religious nutcase-"

"Garrett!" from Bethany

"-that I've ever met seems to hate people like me."

"The Church advocates for same-sex rights," Sebastian said. "They don't endorse it within the Church. But personally yes, I definitely believe same-sex couples should be afforded the same rights under the law. Separation of church and state is extremely important. If I'm allowed to get married in a courthouse, you should be as well. I'm not in a position to judge you for your lifestyle. I… would have to condemn myself if that were the case, given my less than pristine past."

He blushed slightly, his tanned complexion not quite hiding it. Garrett opened his mouth, then closed it, letting that process.

"Oh."

Bethany groaned. "You are all ridiculous."

"It's alright," Sebastian assured her. "It's understandable your family wants to get to know my views. I would be wary too if I had a younger sister to look out for. And I'm sure Garrett's been through a lot. This may be the twenty-first century, but we have a long way to go as far as equality is concerned."

He smiled, and Garrett found himself begrudgingly returning it. He looked at his mother, and Leandra nodded, satisfied for now.

"Well," she said. "Are we ready for dessert?"

Garrett still wanted her to poison him, though.


	8. Chapter 8

**BiancasMan:** I know Marian said she'd be late, but where's Junior tonight? We need the DPS.

**DaisyChain:** We could always five-man it, couldn't we? I mean, we might all die horrible deaths, but we can still manage.

**ComeGetSome:** Oh Kitten, I wish I had your optimism. We need him for cannon fodder. Throw him at the adds so we can concentrate on the boss.  
 **ComeGetSome:** If he's not showing up, I'm going back to my writing.

**SpicyHeals:** I didn't know you wrote too.

**ComeGetSome:** There's a lot of things you don't know about me, sweetcheeks. I write friend fiction.

**SpicyHeals:** Fan fiction?

**ComeGetSome:** What? No. Only losers with nothing better to do write fan fiction. FRIEND fiction. Stories about my friends.

**SpicyHeals:** Like what?

**ComeGetSome:** You want me to paste some in in the chat?

**SpicyHeals:** I'm going to regret this….. fine.

Garrett signed on in time to see the guild chat flooded with what looked to be an erotic story involving himself and Anders. Apparently Anders was very good with his tongue, and there was a lot of writhing in blissful agony, whatever the hell that meant. He glared at the screen as is if Isabela could see him through it.

**MaidMarian:** What the fuck, Isabela?

**ComeGetSome:** Oh there you are!

**BiancasMan:** Hey Mare.

**SpicyHeals:** _blows MaidMarian a kiss._

**DaisyChain:** Back! Sorry I was afk, baking muffins. Then I broke a mirror and tried to clean it up. I might be bleeding a bit.

**SpicyHeals:** Hold it above your heart.

**DaisyChain:** The mirror? That's odd advice.

**ComeGetSome:** Your hand, Kitten.

**DaisyChain:** Oh right. No, I'm fine. It's just a small cut. I'll brb again though.

Garrett pinched the bridge of his nose. He might never get an answer as to why his screen was flooded with very graphic sexual depictions of himself and Anders. Still… He scrolled back up and took a screen shot.

**MaidMarian:** My brother won't be on tonight. He failed an English essay and my mother's making him study downstairs. No internet except school-related things.

"BUT THAT'S NOT FAIR! BETHANY GETS TO GO!"

Garrett heard a door slam, then a few seconds later, the sound of his mother picking the lock on his brother's door. She never did that unless it was serious. And with Carver, it almost always was.

**MaidMarian:** Back in a bit. Sorry.

He carefully tiptoed to his door and cracked it open. Carver's bedroom was next to his own, and his door was open. He could hear every word.

"Do not slam the door like a petulant child. You're almost eighteen years old. If you wish to be treated as an adult, start acting like one," Leandra said, sounding more like her husband every day.

Malcolm was always the disciplinarian. Garrett was the good child by default. He always wanted to make his parents happy. He might not have made the best grades in school, but he tried his best and mostly stayed out of trouble. Bethany was always straight A's and never had detention until high school. But as she kept her grades up, Leandra never minded the spats with authority. One time Bethany called at two in the morning for a ride home after she'd gotten drunk, Leandra took Garrett to pick her up. Garrett drove Bethany's car home so he missed the conversation they had, but Bethany wasn't punished as a result. Leandra called it a learning experience.

Carver was a different story altogether. School simply didn't seem important him, but he eventually equated good or decent grades with rewards and tried harder because of it. He was a sports person, signing up for football and soccer, and his coaches encouraged a higher GPA so they wouldn't lose him as a player. Garrett always suspected favoritism for the jocks though.

"You said I could go to the convention! Bethany's going!"

"Bethany did not fail a very important essay that accounted for a high percentage of her grade."

"Shakespeare's fucking stupid anyway."

"It doesn't matter what Shakespeare is," Leandra said patiently. "What matters is that you had to write an essay on Othello and the reason you failed was because you didn't read the book. Not because your teacher was treating you unfairly."

Garrett remembered that essay. He didn't, however, remember the grade he'd gotten or even most of the book now. The movie though, that was different... But even then, what he mostly recalled was Laurence Fishburne and Kenneth Branagh and some very confusing nighttime fantasies involving both men.

"I'm sorry, Carver. I know this was important to you, but we made a deal. I might have accepted a bad grade, but I read the essay, dear." Her voice softened and Garrett heard her sit next to him on the bed. "If it's that important to you, you can go next year."

"I might not even be playing the bloody game next year," he muttered, almost too quiet for Garrett to hear. "Can I at least get a virtual ticket?"

"A… what?"

"So I can watch the streaming of the panels and stuff online."

Leandra sighed. "It's this weekend, right?"

"Yeah."

"Rewrite the essay, ask your teacher to grade it. Not for credit. But I want you to prove to yourself that you can do better, because I know you can, Carver. Then… alright."

"Can I raid tonight?"

"No."

Garrett stifled a laugh.

"I'm sorry," Leandra said. "A punishment is a punishment. There are no grades in the real world but the sooner you understand consequences, the better prepared you'll be for what's out there."

"Garrett doesn't have a real job. He didn't even finish college. I could just mooch here like he does."

He thought that was a bit unfair. He didn't 'mooch.' Did he?

"Garrett has a full time job and he could support himself if he wanted. You could stay if you'd like, but you'd still need to get a job. That was my deal with your brother. He pays for all his own things except food and rent."

_And internet and electricity and water and…_ Garrett shut off that line of thinking quickly. It was true, he could likely move out on the pay he was making at the wholesale store. He might need a roommate to share costs, and it was a thought. Fenris might even accept him as one. But living at home was convenient. He didn't mind the little errands Leandra had him run on his days off, and cleaning gutters and mowing the lawn were just things he'd be doing anyway if he owned his own house. Training for when he finally moved out, he thought. But his mother didn't pay his cellphone or anything with his car.

"Just think about it, sweetheart," Leandra said.

"I'm sorry I slammed the door."

"Forgiven."

Garrett ducked back into his room as he heard his mother get up, and went back to his computer.

**MaidMarian:** Sorry, back. My brother had a fight with my mom. I don't think he'll be around for a bit. Bad grades.

**ComeGetSome:** Ooh I remember that argument. Used to have it all the time with my mom. Then she'd forget about grounding after spending a night out with her latest boyfriend.

**BiancasMan:** The woes of living at home.

**MaidMarian:** Living at home's not so bad.

**DaisyChain:** Girls have different relationships with their moms than boys do.

**ComeGetSome:** Didn't you grow up in foster care, Kitten?

**DaisyChain:** Yes I did. And my point still stands. Marian's probably the favorite.

It was true, Garrett liked to think. But not for the reasons Merrill believed.

**MaidMarian:** Are we still running the raid?

**BiancasMan:** Yes, let's get this show on the road.

After their third wipe, they were about to give up. Hawke sighed and took up his phone.

**To: Fenris  
Could use your help in a raid.**

**ComeGetSome:** This is ridiculous and my repair bill is going to be astronomical.

**BiancasMan:** Why are you in PvP gear?!?!

**ComeGetSome:** …oops. ^_^;;; Guess I never changed.

**LittleBadWolf:** _has logged on._

**DaisyChain:** Hi Fenris!!

**MaidMarian:** Someone port him in so we can end this.

**SpicyHeals:** _has started casting Mystic Portal._

Garrett watched as the elf warrior appeared on screen, and relaxed. With Isabela properly geared and Fenris helping them with damage, they would be able to take the boss hopefully with fewer wipes.

**SpicyHeals:** _whispers_ I can't stop rereading what Isabela wrote about us.

Garrett nearly lost his concentration. Quickly he popped his taunt to pull the boss off Fenris before replying.

**MaidMarian:** _whispers_ Why did she even write it?

**SpicyHeals:** _whispers_ I don't know. But it's got me a little… excited.

_Excited?_

Oh. _OH._

Garrett shifted, feeling his own arousal at Anders' admission.

**MaidMarian:** _whispers_ Yeah… me too. ;)

**SpicyHeals:** _whispers_ It's a good thing I can heal one-handed.

"Oh god… Okay…"

Garrett swallowed hard, thinking about Anders sitting at his desk, healing left-handed while he slowly stroked himself off with his right. He glanced back at his door to make sure it was shut, and slowly unbuttoned his fly.

**SpicyHeals:** _whispers_ It doesn't bother you, does it?

**BiancasMan:** HAWKE! GET IT OFF ME!

Garrett fumbled at the keys and quickly regained aggro.

**SpicyHeals:** Sorry, Varric. My fault.

**BiancasMan:** 10% keep going.

**DaisyChain:** My spells aren't proc'ing!

**SpicyHeals:** You're in the wrong stance, hon.

**DaisyChain:** Oh! There we go.  
 **DaisyChain:** _casts Blood Slave on Slave Statue_

**BiancasMan:** Appropriate.

**SpicyHeals:** _whispers_ Sorry about that.

**MaidMarian:** _whispers_ I don't mind. I just can't tank one-handed very well.

**SpicyHeals:** _whispers_ Seriously? Mare, don't say stuff like that. Now all sorts of naughty thoughts are in my head.

Garrett let out a bubble of nervous laughter. The boss was almost down. Fenris used his lyrium ghost form and achieved the killing blow. Isabela was already looting, but Garrett didn't care. He lifted his hips, shoving jeans and boxers down further, pulling himself free and started to stroke.

**SpicyHeals:** _whispers_ Are you thinking about me?

Garrett reached up with his shaking left hand to reply.

**MaidMarian:** _whispers_ ytes

**SpicyHeals:** _whispers_ Heh. Nice typo. Alright, sweetheart. Just think of me kissing you.  
 **SpicyHeals:** _whispers_ Biting your neck. Licking down to your collar bone.

Garrett fumbled in his desk drawer, grabbing the half-empty tube of lotion and squeezed a bit too much over his hand. He stroked faster, tossing the tube on his desk.

**SpicyHeals:** _whispers_ Kissing you. My hands gently caressing your skin.

**ComeGetSome:** WOO! Beraht's Dagger!

**BiancasMan:** You're lucky I use crossbows or I'd ninja that from you so fast.

**DaisyChain:** Ohhh that's a pretty little knife.

Garrett killed the guild chat for the moment and closed his eyes, imagining Anders there, straddling him, kissing him. It wasn't the first time he fantasized about it, but it was the first time Anders encouraged it. He glanced back at the screen.

**SpicyHeals:** _whispers_ You doing okay over there, sweetheart? Need a hand? Or a mouth? ;)

He could hear his own quiet panting, lips dry as he thrust his hips up to meet his hand, squeezing himself tighter, imagining to be Anders' hand or mouth instead. He gripped the arm of his chair with his free hand, nails digging into the leather and came with a soft cry, spilling over his stomach and the edge of his t-shirt.

"Fuck…"

He awkwardly grabbed at the neck of his shirt and yanked it up over his head, using it to clean up the mess before tossing it to the floor. Learning to do his own laundry had become imperative by the time he was a teenager. He'd put it in his hamper later. Pulling his jeans up, he quickly typed.

**MaidMarian:** _whispers_ Sorry. Had to clean up.

**SpicyHeals:** _whispers_ Damn. I'd apologize but I don't think I have anything to be sorry about. Next time let me call you and I'll talk you through it. ;)

**MaidMarian:** _whispers_ That's not fair to you.

**SpicyHeals:** _whispers_ It's worth it just to know I can get you riled up and get you off. You must have a pretty good imagination.

Garrett opened the guild chat again. His teammates had already left the raid, his character marked away sitting in the pixels of the dead boss. SpicyHeals was dancing around her. Garrett laughed, shaking his head.

**MaidMarian:** _blows SpicyHeals a kiss._  
 **MaidMarian:** I think I should go. Work in an hour.

**LittleBadWolf:** Pick me up.

**ComeGetSome:** Ooh I'll pick you up, baby. Time and place?

**LittleBadWolf:** I'll see you at the convention.

**ComeGetSome:** Don't tease me, sugar.

**LittleBadWolf:** I'm not.

**DaisyChain:** You shouldn't pick people up, Isabela, it's not good for your back!

**MaidMarian:** Things I didn't need to know about your sex life, Fenris.

**ComeGetSome:** Like you and our healer won't be curled up sucking face the entire time.

Garrett sighed. He wished.

**MaidMarian:** I'll be by in 20, Fenris. See you.

He signed off.

**Anders:** Let me call you at work. No distractions, I promise. I'll read you another book.

Garrett grinned.

**Hawke:** 11p.  <3

**Anders:** Talk at you then, love  <3333

Garrett shut his monitor off and went to get cleaned up before work.


	9. Chapter 9

"So I told Sebastian you had an extra ticket for the convention."

Garrett glanced up from the list he was looking at. His mother had sent him on errands and Bethany decided to tag along. They were currently in the grocery store, the last trip of the night. For the past week and a half, she'd been working on sewing their cosplay outfits for the convention. Even if he couldn't meet Anders, he would still have an awesome costume. Bethany was going in a ceremonial dress that Marian would have worn attending Court while Garrett would be wearing full plate. It wasn't actual plate of course, but Bethany and his mother had been designing costumes for Halloween for them for years, and he trusted them.

"Bethany, tell me you didn't invite Sebastian."

That was all he needed. Three hours in a car talking about religion and abortion and who knew what else while Fenris glared at him for the inconvenience. Still though, it might be marginally better than dragging Carver along. He had an awful taste in music and drove like a maniac.

"I did," she said, tossing a few things in the cart.

Garrett sighed and crossed them off the list. "I guess that last ticket was just going to go to waste anyway. But what about… you know, our deal?"

"I told him I had to meet some friends in private. He understands. I still think you should just tell Anders you're not a woman. What?" she asked, glaring at a middle-aged woman who'd glanced over at the statement. Bethany stared at her until she started down the aisle again. "Nosy."

Garrett laughed, shaking his head. "It's just a weekend. Then things will go back to normal and… maybe I'll email him a confession after. Or just stop going online altogether."

"He still has your cell number."

"And change my number."

"You should move to another country too. I hear they have some great hermit shacks in the Bavarian forest this time of year." She stuck her tongue out at him when he looked at her. "Seriously, Gare."

"I can't help being completely socially awkward."

"Just pretend you're like Marian. Only without the breasts."

Bethany plucked the list from his hand and led on, Garrett pushing the cart. He supposed she had a point. If he could pretend to be confident like Marian, he could bring a bit of that into reality. He thought about a plan of action the rest of the trip and let Bethany drive home. After helping her and Leandra put the groceries away, he decided to go for a run. It had been a while and he needed to clear his head. The crisp fall air pulled at his lungs as he started with a light jog, heading down the street to the park.

He kept his eyes ahead, feeling the beads of sweat forming on his forehead as his feet beat against the pavement. The music barely registered as he thought about the convention. It was only three days. They would leave early Friday morning and get there before the first panel. Check into the hotel. Anders assured them they'd have one room to themselves, nothing special since the hotel was usually booked full roughly an hour after the date was announced. It was rare to get a room in the actual venue, Garrett knew that.

_If you tell him before the convention, he might forgive you and you can spend the weekend together._

Right foot. Left foot. Inhale. Exhale.

_Or he might hate you and you'll have the shittiest weekend ever._

He avoided eye contact with a fellow runner coming down the opposite way, her long blond ponytail bouncing behind her. Anders had a blond ponytail.

_He loves Marian. He doesn't love you. He doesn't know you._

A streetlamp ahead flickered and went out as he passed. Garrett knew it had nothing to do with him or anything paranormal, but it gave him a shiver nonetheless. His mother worried about him when he went for late jogs, but he could hold his own. Tall and broad, almost a carbon copy of his father at the same age. Looking at him, no one really expected him to be so shy. And girls did seem to like the tall, dark and silent types. And the beard didn't hurt either. Hell if it wasn't for that beard, he never might have lost his virginity in the first place.

_I wonder if Anders likes beards._

He'd have to ask before the convention. Or not. That would be an awkward conversation. His pocket vibrated and the beeping notification interrupted the music. He slowed to a walk and pulled his phone out.

**From: Bethy  
Seb says he'll chip in half for gas. He offered to pay for it all but I told him no.**

Between Anders offering to pay for all of it and Sebastian chipping in, Garrett doubted he would need to spend a cent. But he knew wouldn't take either up on their offers.

**To: Bethy  
Tell him thx but no thx. Got it covered. Does he have a cos?**

The response was almost immediate.

**From: Bethy  
Attch: SEBCOS.jpg  
Yes! ^_^**

Garrett frowned and opened the picture. He stared, open mouthed, under a streetlight. Sebastian had apparently attended conventions in the past. It was a group shot of him in full Templar gear – not just that – a _Knight-Commander_. Surrounding him were others dressed similarly. He recognized Meredith, another raid boss, and Ser Cullen with his golden squiggly hair. And the costumes were all really, really good. 

**To: Bethy  
He's not going to dress in that again this year is he?**

He didn't think he could stand the shame if he showed up with someone who cosplayed on the Templar side. 

**From: Bethy  
No, he said he was going as someone called Kaylin?**

It took Garrett a second to figure out who she meant.

**To: Bethy  
Cailan? As in King Cailan? As in the king who was betrayed by his closest advisor?**

Cailan was a neutral NPC. His quest line was entirely in Ferelden but had been lauded as one of the best in the game. You built an army for Ostagar and made sure they had provisions and armor and weapons, and when you were finished, you unlocked the Ostagar raid. The Ostagar raid was unreal. Hordes of darkspawn, ogres, a huge battleground with cross-faction assists. Garrett played through with four different characters just to get all the achievements. Of course the next expansion that had the archdemon blew that out of the water, but Garrett remembered being emotionally scarred by Loghain's betrayal and he'd actually cried when Duncan died.

Of course, there was no way he would ever admit that to anyone.

**From: Bethy  
Sure, Gare. :P**

He rolled his eyes and tucked his phone back in his pocket before continuing his run. Bethany was pretty understanding when it came to his passion for the game and she never made him feel bad when she poked fun at him. It was impossible to talk to Carver about it. All he cared about was better gear with better stats and sometimes PvP battleground scenarios. He might have had fun at the convention, but he wouldn't be going in cosplay or to look at the merchandise or even for the discussion panels, but to pick up girls in skimpy outfits. Garrett cared about the lore of the game. And if he slept with a plushie mabari next to him at night, well, that was his own way of respecting the game, wasn't it?

_I need to hide that before I go…_

_Probably should get a padlock for my room so Carver doesn't go snooping._

Still unsure about the upcoming weekend, he took the short path back around the park and headed home for a shower and a costume fitting.


	10. Chapter 10

"Do you have your costumes?"

"Yes, Mom."

"And you're all packed, right?"

"Yes, Mom."

"Oh, drive carefully, sweetie. If you get tired, let someone else drive."

"Mom," Garrett said, somewhat exasperatedly, "it's just three hours."

He'd left work early and forced himself into a quick nap. Flipping his sleep schedule around was no mean feat but he planned on stocking up on energy drinks and coffee for the first few hours of the convention. And if he had to go pass out in the hotel room for a bit, that would just give him more of an excuse to dodge Anders. Since Bethany would be playing the role of Marian and Marian was technically the overnight employee, it wouldn't be so unbelievable that she'd need to go crash.

"Take care of your sister," Leandra said, hugging and kissing them both.

Garrett waved to her from the driver's seat and pulled out. He picked up Fenris first, then Sebastian. After the trunk was repacked to fit two more suitcases and boxes for their cosplay, Garrett drove to the nearest gas station to fill up and grab snacks. Bethany gave up shotgun to sit in the back with Sebastian, though Garrett would've preferred she stayed up front with him. Or even in the back with Fenris. He trusted Fenris after all. About forty-five minutes into their trip, he got his wish.

Apparently Sebastian and Garrett had the same taste in music. And they both loved singing out loud. Garrett never did it with others in the car, but as soon as Sebastian started, he couldn't help joining. Loudly and enthusiastically.

"Pull the damn car over," Fenris ordered. "I'm not going to be sandwiched between this."

He had switched seats with Sebastian, who was sitting in the front now. Windows cracked, radio turned up, a box of snacks and a cup of coffee, Garrett couldn't help himself. He grinned as he sang.

"'That's great it starts with an earthquake, birds and snakes an aeroplane, Lenny Bruce is not afraid. Eye of a hurricane, listen to yourself churn, world serves its own needs, don't misserve your own needs'-"

Garrett lost the verse but joined in again at the chorus. Sebastian hadn't stopped. It was impressive how he was able to keep up and not mumble the lyrics.

"'It's the end of the world as we know it! It's the end of the world as we know it!'"

"Please shut up!"

That from Fenris, who was looking terribly pained, curled in his seat behind Sebastian, with Bethany laughing. Sebastian started laughing as well.

"I am sorry," Sebastian said. "I didn't think Garrett had such great taste in music."

"He doesn't," Fenris grunted.

"Just wait," Garrett said, grinning. "We'll find a good song that you'll just have to join in."

"Doubtful."

Sebastian lowered the volume as the song continued. "You know, I thought perhaps you didn't like me, Garrett."

Awkward! "Well. At first," Garrett admitted. "And I still don't like that you play Templar side!"

"All my friends are," Sebastian said. "The ones who play, anyway. I tried a mage once but didn't care for it. I prefer ranged weaponry."

"You can still be on the mage side and use bows. Varric does. If you want, you can join our guild," Garrett offered.

"I think I'd like that."

"Good," Bethany said. "That means you two will have more in common, so we'll see Sebastian around the house a whole lot in the future."

"Bethy!" Garrett said. "Are you using me an excuse?" She was getting more and more devious every day. She likely encouraged Sebastian to come to the convention hoping that he'd become friends with him. It was just the thing she would do. And for what? To get close to Sebastian? He didn't miss the little smiles she was giving Mr. College. 

"Yes, I am. You can't blame me, Garrett. Sebastian's cute! He's like eye and ear candy."

Garrett glanced over at Sebastian, who blushed at the compliment. He supposed his sister had a point, though Sebastian wasn't his type. No, his type was taller, thinner, blond hair and hazel eyes and waiting for him in New York City. It was only too bad he wouldn't be able to talk to him. But seeing him in person, even from across a crowded convention room would be wonderful.

"Mom will go nuts if you keep hitting on him, Bethy."

"She said we can start dating as soon as I turn eighteen."

Garrett nearly lost control of the car. "What?!"

Sebastian pursed his lips tightly. "Supervised dates," he said, somewhat embarrassed.

Fenris let out a laugh. "Like courting?"

"Exactly," Bethany confirmed.

_What in the world…_

"Mom – our mother – agreed to this?" Garrett asked, glancing in the rearview mirror to look at her.

"She did," Bethany said, leaning up, pulling the seatbelt behind her so she could rest her chin on the driver's side chair. "Sebastian's a perfect gentleman. He's already got our first date picked out. We're going ice skating."

"More likely you'll be skating and I'll be falling on my bum," Sebastian laughed. "I'm afraid I haven't done it since I was much younger."

Bethany tutted and gave his shoulder a comforting pat. "I'll hold you upright."

Garrett sighed. His little sister was growing up and there was nothing he could do about it. And he was hiding behind the internet, in love with a guy he couldn't even tell the truth to. Feeling deflated, he fell silent. After fifteen minutes of silence, not even the caffeine could keep him up.

"I can drive if you'd like," Sebastian offered. "You can get a bit more sleep before we get there."

Garrett yawned widely and pulled into a rest stop. "Good idea."

"You can stretch out in the back!" Bethany said, getting out. "We'll keep the radio on low."

Garrett tossed the keys to Sebastian. The irritation he felt for him had fled, and that annoyed him. He wanted to hate him, but he was actually a rather good guy. Even if he was going to start dating Bethany. He would need to talk to his mother about that. Who had supervised dates this day and age? And he slid into the backseat, leaning against the window, and fell asleep before they even pulled out of the parking lot.

-

Someone's hand was on his head. And on his shoulder. He woke because Bethany was laughing and his pillow was moving.

Pillow? Wait.

He opened his eyes and saw the back of the passenger side seat. He could see Sebastian in the driver's seat, his profile visible from the awkward horizontal angle Garrett found himself in. Suddenly he realized he was in Fenris's lap and sat up quickly.

"Alright there?" Fenris asked.

Bethany turned in her seat, grinning. "Bed-head, Gare."

Garrett rubbed his eyes before running his fingers through his hair. "Sorry," he said to Fenris. In the time he'd known his co-worker, he learned quickly that Fenris didn't like being touched. And here he was, sleeping in his lap.

"You needed the rest. And at least you don't drool." Fenris' lip curled into a smirk.

Garrett chuckled tiredly and looked out the window. "Oh wow."

New York City was incredibly impressive. Tall skyscrapers, dozens of yellow taxis, people everywhere. He pressed his face almost against the glass to look. Though they lived close, they'd only been to the city once before for a class trip when he was younger. He barely remembered it. And now he was here as an adult with no teachers yanking him this way and that, telling him what he could or couldn't do. And what he wanted to do first after getting checked into the hotel was to get a slice of pizza.

"As much as I enjoy the peace of the smaller communities, there's nothing quite like a big city, is there?" Sebastian said, grinning.

The roads were congested, but the convention center had reasonably priced underground parking. Sebastian expertly turned through the lot, finding a space not too far from the elevator and turned off the car. Garrett was out in a flash. A handful of people were in the garage, shouting to one another. He smoothed his THEDAS Mage faction t-shirt, turning nervously to scope out the others.

"MAGE PRIDE!" someone shouted from across the lot.

Garrett looked over, grinning. The person carried a staff and was wearing Circle robes and waving at him. He waved back. Someone in Templar gear started chasing him, yelling for him to stop, and the Circle robe-wearing mage took off at a run. Garrett bounced excitedly, pulling boxes from the trunk.

"Let me get that," Sebastian said, shouldering his bag and taking up Bethany's as well.

"We may need to make a couple of trips," she suggested.

"Once we get the room," Sebastian said. "That way we have a place to put it all."

They had to leave behind a box and a bag, and headed up to check in. Garrett showed the tickets at the door and they all received lanyards with nametags.

"Has to be worn on the outside at all times," the volunteer said, handing them programs and welcome bags containing pens and stickers and other assorted goodies. "Staying in this hotel?" she asked, noting their bags.

"Yes," Garrett said. "I have the confirmation in my wallet."

"Front desk is up the escalator and around the corner. Any other questions?"

"No, I think we're good," Garrett said, glancing at the others who nodded. Even Fenris looked excited, his normally stoic face betraying a slight smile.

"Then may the Maker guide your path."

Garrett couldn't help it; his face started to hurt from grinning. They trudged to the escalator and found the front desk where he gave his confirmation number.

"Marian Hawke? Three days two nights?"

Fenris snickered and Sebastian frowned, brow furrowed.

"Uh, yeah, that's the name," Garrett muttered.

"Room 930. Ninth floor, even numbers on the left. There's complimentary coffee in every room and the lobby. No smoking inside the hotel or convention center, no pets. If you need anything at all, call guest services by dialing '0', dial '9' to get out. There's free wi-fi though expect some slowness. We've done all we can but…"

"I understand," Garrett said, taking the four key cards she slid to him.

"Is there anything else we can do right now to make your stay more enjoyable?"

_Tell Anders I'm not a girl for me._

"No, that's it, thank you."

"Enjoy your convention!"

They piled into the elevator. Luckily it was a very, very tight squeeze with the others that were in there, and Sebastian was pinned to the wall opposite. Hopefully Garrett could avoid answering any awkward questions about 'Marian.'

_Maker,_ he thought, glancing up. _Are you there? It's me, Garrett._

This was going to be a long, long weekend.


	11. Chapter 11

Sebastian volunteered to head down to the car to get the last of their luggage while Bethany started unpacking.

"You're not sharing a bed with Sebastian," Garrett said at once.

There were two extra-large queen sized beds and a couch. He personally didn't care who he shared with. Hell, when they were younger, he would spend a lot of time with Carver and Bethany and in their tree-house anyway. Bethany liked to cuddle and Carver had a problem with kicking in his sleep.

"I expect we'll sleep wherever we pass out," she said delicately, then relented under Garrett's glare. "Fine," she sighed. "Fenris, want to share a bed with me?"

Fenris chuckled. "Sure."

_Better,_ Garrett thought, before he realized that meant he had to share with Sebastian. Or sleep on the couch. _Next convention, I'm booking early and getting two rooms._

There was a knock on the door.

"Did Sebastian forget his key?" Garrett asked.

Bethany shrugged and answered it. Garrett stopped unpacking for a moment, glancing down the short hall to the door. His heart stopped. He squeezed the pair of pajama bottoms he was holding, knuckles turning white. In the doorway, looking perfect, it was _him._

_Anders._

Garrett remembered to breathe. Anders looked gorgeous, tall and lanky, hair swept back in a messy ponytail. He was dressed up, black slacks and royal purple button down that shimmered. He even had a black tie that was loose around his neck, held in place by a THEDAS logo tie tack, the top shirt button undone. Garrett saw his Adam's apple. He wanted to kiss it.

"Marian?" Anders said hopefully, looking at Bethany.

_Maker? It's Garrett again._

"Anders?" she asked.

And there it was. The hug. The hug that was supposed to be his. Anders wrapped his arms around her waist and actually picked her up off the ground. Garrett felt his heart break a little, a very quiet pained whimper escaping his lips. Fenris slapped him on the back, knocking him out of his reverie.

"It is so good to finally meet you," Anders said, and kissed her cheek.

Garrett felt sick.

Fenris saved him, and Bethany, moving down the hall.

"Ah," Anders said, looking at him carefully. "Has to be Fenris. Nice ink."

They shook hands, Fenris muttering a hello. Anders looked behind them toward Garrett, head tilted slightly, confused.

_Shit!_

He'd been so concerned about making sure Anders met Marian, he never thought about what he'd say meeting Anders himself.

"Oh that's my brother," Bethany said, glancing back, eyes wide.

Anders' eyebrows lifted in surprise. "So you were allowed to come after all."

_What?_

There was an awkward silence where Garrett realized he needed to say something.

_Oh god he thinks I'm Carver,_ he suddenly realized.

"Uh. Yeah," he said lamely.

Anders nodded. "Well. Glad to see you." He looked back to Bethany. "Come on. I want to show you around. You two don't mind if I borrow her for a bit, do you?"

"Not at all," Garrett said, most unhelpfully.

Anders smiled, and what a gorgeous smile it was. "I'll have her back in an hour safe and sound. Varric and Isabela are coming soon and Merrill's already here – she's just down the hall in 937. You should go say hi!"

And before anyone could say anything else, Anders had swept her away. Garrett frowned at her wide-eyed look as she disappeared around the corner, and when the door shut with a soft _click_ he finally stopped shaking. His knees gave way and he slumped to the floor.

"Hawke."

"I know, Fenris."

"I'm still going to say it."

"Go ahead."

"You're an idiot."

He was. He really, really was.

-

Bethany was going to kill her brother. Absolutely murder him. When she agreed to the plan in the first place, she had honestly trusted him to cover her ass on this. But what did he do instead? Tossed her right to the wolves. The first thing she was going to do when she got back to the room was demand a bed switch. And time alone with Sebastian. And groveling. She would see Garrett grovel for forgiveness.

Not that Anders was a terrible person. Not by a long shot. He was very sweet, showing her around the convention, pointing out the booths, the artist's alley. She'd never been to any type of convention before and it was exciting, she had to admit, even if she had no idea what most of the things were. But then Anders started introducing her to other people and she realized that he was a Big Deal. This wasn't just a small group of friends. Some of the people were wearing suits.

_I can't do this._

"Anders. We need to talk."

"Hm? Oh, sure."

"Is there a private room?"

"The ah, the dealer's room is closed right now but we can get some privacy there."

"Please."

_Garrett, I am going to kill you. But first I'll make you beg._

-

Back upstairs, Garrett was sitting on the floor, leaning against the bed, banging his head against the mattress over and over again. Fenris was unpacking still, since Garrett had given it up.

"There's a panel in half an hour on the history and politics of the Tevinter Imperium. Sounds… fun," Fenris said, though there was no conviction to his tone.

The door opened and Sebastian carried in the last few things. He was about to say something, but the grin on his face faded when he saw Garrett.

"What's going on? Are you okay?"

Fenris looked at Garrett, then back to Sebastian. "He's only now just realized that he's an idiot. Give him a moment for it to all sink in."

-

The dealer's room was enormous, like a flea market all laid out with tables full of wares. Bethany examined a few things while Anders spoke to a security guard. He clapped him on the shoulder and the door shut behind the guard, lock clicking in place. Anders turned to look at her, smiling a bit nervously.

"Couldn't wait to get me alone, huh?"

She shook her head. "I really think we should talk."

The nervous smile fell. "Oh. That… that doesn't sound good. Should I sit?"

Bethany shifted from foot to foot, then crossed her arms, hating her brother for putting her in this position. She'd broken up with boyfriends and had also had her heart crushed in return. Neither side felt good. It wasn't fair that she had to hurt Anders, whom she'd never met before.

"Maybe."

Instead, Anders took a few tentative steps forward. "Is this the part where you tell me it was all a mistake?"

_Oh god, he looks like he's going to cry! Garrett, I will NEVER forgive you!_

"No, it's just… I’m not who you think I am."

Anders blinked, frowning. "I'm sorry?"

"I'm not really Marian. There is no Marian. My stupid brother who you met upstairs? Garrett? That's Marian."

-

Sebastian stared at him. "So you've been deceiving him this whole time? And then you thought it was a good idea to have Bethany play the part of you? In what world did you think that would actually work, Garrett?"

Garrett already felt like slime. He didn't need Sebastian rubbing it in. And who the hell was he anyway to judge him? Stupid Mr. Religious College Mormon… "Okay maybe it was a dumb idea."

"Now he gets it," Fenris said with a sigh.

"You have to set this right," Sebastian said. "And I have to talk to Bethany."

"I'm sorry!" Garrett said. "It's all just… I didn't think… and… I'm really sorry."

"So fix it," Fenris said, shrugging.

"How?"

"Tell the truth," Sebastian replied, hands on his hips. "Come clean and tell him the truth."

Garrett looked down, head between his knees, fingers laced behind his neck. He felt sick. He didn't want to tell the truth. But he didn't want to hurt Bethany.

The door opened.

"Bethany!" Sebastian said, sounding relieved.

Garrett looked up, heart pounding. She was there and alone. Good. That was good. _Right? Wasn't it?_

"Garrett Malcolm Hawke, I swear to you, I will never, ever forgive you," she said.

She was angry. Garrett got to his feet.

Bethany looked to Sebastian. "Did you… did they tell you?"

Sebastian nodded. 

Bethany sighed and shook her head, touching his arm. "I'm sorry."

"I understand. You did it to help your brother."

"I told Anders the truth," she said, turning back to look at Garrett.

"What?!" Garrett sputtered. "Wh-what? Why? Why would you do that?"

"Because I couldn't lie! Garrett he was so happy. He wanted to show me – Marian – off to all his friends. How do you think that's going to make him feel when he finds out? Or when you break up with him? He's going to feel like an idiot! Did you even think about that?"

No. No he hadn't. He'd only been thinking of himself. "I… So what happened? What did he say?"

"He just got very, very quiet and apologized. Garrett. He. Apologized. To me. And then he said he needed some time to be alone and told me to enjoy the convention. Which I'm going to do now. With Sebastian," she said, tugging on his arm. "Come on, Sebastian. You can teach me the rules of the game and buy me a messenger bag."

Sebastian barely gave them a backward glance as Bethany dragged him out. Garrett looked to Fenris, who was picking up his own bag. Fenris shook his head.

"You really screwed up, Hawke."

"Oh. Yeah. I know. I got that when my little sister started yelling at me."

"… You want to come out with me for a smoke?"

"I don't smoke."

"Maybe time to start."

Fenris was trying to be a friend, trying to be helpful. Garrett appreciated it.

"I'll come. Maybe I can jump in front of a taxi or something."

"You're being melodramatic."

"If you were my friend, Fenris, you would let me do it."

"I would give you a push if I thought it would help," Fenris said. "Come on."

Garrett followed him out and down the hall to the elevator, feeling wretched.


	12. Chapter 12

"You can still make it right," Fenris said, taking a drag off his cigarette.

They were standing fifty feet from the door in a designated smoking area. Garrett was trying not to cough, eyes stinging a bit from the smell. There were a few other convention-goers around them, some already in cosplay, others sporting various logo t-shirts. Garrett had been hugged by four different people on the way downstairs, all of whom wore mage robes. He wished he could enjoy the camaraderie, but his conscience wouldn't let him. And he was feeling tired despite his earlier nap. How did Fenris do it?

"How?" Garrett asked, his own breath coming out in a puff of white smoke. The city was cold, and he shivered in just his hoodie.

"Go find him. Apologize profusely. Tell him you didn't mean to make him feel stupid."

"Did I make him feel stupid?"

Fenris shrugged, turning to the side to cover a cough. He made a face before taking one last puff and dropped the cigarette to the ground, crushing it under the toe of his sneaker. "If it was me, I would feel betrayed. And dumb for falling for something like that. But mostly betrayed. And misled. And hurt."

"I get it," Garrett said. He wrapped his arms around himself. It was no longer fun. All the idle flirtations, the happiness he felt when they talked. The calm, the peace. He took his phone out of his pocket, wondering if he should text him. Or call him. "I never meant to hurt him. I didn't mean to deceive him. I really… really do love him."

"You realize you're telling this to the wrong person."

"I know. But what if he doesn't believe me? What if he thinks I was just playing a trick on him or something?"

"Tell him the truth."

"And if he doesn't believe me?"

Fenris shrugged. "Then you get to deal with your own hurt feelings. That you brought upon yourself. Like adults do."

Garrett scrubbed at his face, groaning. "This is why I don't date. I can't ever get anything right."

"Maybe next time trust your friends. After all, we're not idiots."

"I think I just need to take a nap or something. I feel like shit."

His phone vibrated. Instead of feeling giddy and hopeful, a sickening feeling of anxiety crawled into the pit of his stomach and sat there. With a sigh, he pulled it from his pocket. There was a new text from Bethany.

**From: Bethy  
You're going to waste a ticket if you keep sulking. Go find him.**

He deleted the message and put his phone back in his pocket. Maybe he could take the train home. Sebastian and Bethany could drive the car back at the end of the weekend. He would send Anders the money for the ticket and then delete his account.

"You're thinking again. Probably about doing something stupid. Taxis?"

"More drastic than that. Deleting my account."

"Mm. Years of working on your characters destroyed in one fell swoop because you can't tell someone you're sorry."

"Idiotic?"

Fenris gave him a look.

Garrett sighed. "Let's go get some food. I'm starving. And then maybe I'll take a long shower and if I don't drown myself after that I could really use a nap. Then I'll text him."

"You're prolonging the inevitable."

"Yep."

Fenris shook his head but followed Hawke inside. They waited on a very long line, but the pizza was excellent. Garrett even managed to enjoy himself a little, watching as an impromptu LARP battle broke out between a group of mages and Templars. Security was quick to break it up though. Fenris walked him back to the hotel room.

"What are you going to do?" Garrett asked.

"Merrill's here," Fenris reminded him. "I'll talk to her and catch up with Isabela and Varric. Do you want me to tell them to come find you?"

"No. I'm going to shower and sleep. Maybe when I wake up I'll suddenly stop being stupid," he said, pulling a towel from his drawer.

"I wouldn't hold my breath," Fenris replied lightly.

"Are you going to tell them about me?" Garrett asked, clutching the towel, looking at Fenris.

Fenris raised an eyebrow. "Do you want me to?"

Garrett said nothing. He wasn't sure. It would be easier. But would it be right?

Fenris scoffed. "I'll tell them. But you need to come out of the room at some point."

"Maybe."

"See you later, Hawke."

"Bye."

The door shut and Garrett was alone. He stepped into the bathroom and shut the door, flipping the light switch and wincing at the loud fan that always seemed to accompany every hotel bathroom light. He stripped, then caught sight of himself in the mirror. His eyes were red, though he hadn't been crying, and he looked like death warmed over. Felt like it too. With a sigh he started the shower, waited until it was hot, and got in. They'd brought their own soap and shampoo but of course he forgotten it in the other room. No matter, he was more or less clean, just wanted the heat and the solitude.

He leaned his head against the wall, letting the spray flow down his back and around his face as he stared at the drain. He should've listened to Fenris from the beginning. And Bethany. It never should've gotten this far. He should've told Anders the moment Anders started flirting with him. And especially the night they talked about how they really felt. The worst part of it wasn't that he was hurting, it was that he'd hurt Anders. He could live with the heartbreak, the idea of never talking to him again. It was painful, but he could endure it. But the guilt, the idea that he broke Anders' heart.

He had to find a way to fix it. He had to man up and talk to him. He would have to do it tonight. Nervous, but with a decision in mind, he haphazardly shampooed his hair with the mini bottle and washed the vital areas of his body with the mini soap before getting out and drying off. Towel wrapped around his waist, he went back to the room. He dried off and pulled on a pair of pajama bottoms, and crawled into one of the beds, pulling the covers up over his head.

-

He was woken several hours later by a hand rubbing his back, nails moving slowly over the skin the way his mother used to do when he was little and had a cold. It was warm and comforting and he didn't want to move.

"Bethy?"

"Not quite."

It was dark when he opened his eyes, and he turned slowly, blinking. A woman he thought he recognized was sitting in bed next to him, dressed like a Rivaini pirate. She had the perfect skin tone for it too. He yawned, sitting up, covers falling to his waist.

"You… Isabela?"

She smiled, and Garrett felt almost immediately put at ease. He'd never seen her picture before. "You're not what I imagined you looked like."

Isabela laughed, pulling her legs up underneath her. "I could say the same for you."

Garrett frowned, the whole horrible day coming back to him. He glanced at the clock. It was nearly eight. He'd slept away almost the whole first day of the convention. Not that he would've enjoyed it anyway.

"About that… I'm sorry."

"It's okay," she said graciously. "Anyway, I had my suspicions."

"You did?" he asked, surprised. "How?"

He watched her through the darkness as she shrugged.

"You never once talked about your period."

"Are… you serious?"

"I figured it was either some medical thing you didn't want to talk about it or… you were pretending for his sake. You know, he's into guys too."

Garrett squirmed guiltily. "I know."

Isabela cocked her head to the side. "Then why not tell him the truth?"

"I don't know. I really liked it when he flirted with me and then I got in too deep and I couldn't get out."

She laid a hand on his shoulder, then slid it down to rub his back again. He really did feel better for the touch, and wondered how Isabela knew how to comfort him so well.

"I've known him for a long time," she said. "I was in that guild – The Grey Wardens? Long before you were."

"How come I never saw you there?"

"Oh sweetie, I guild hop. Take the best loot and run."

"That's so evil!" Garrett protested.

Isabela laughed. "I know. Anyway, he contacted me after I left and invited me to join you guys. By the way – Kirkwall Champions? Dumbest name ever."

Garrett groaned. "I know. I just… I'll change it when I can come up with something better."

"Turns out we live not too far from one another. Went out for coffee a few times and he convinced me to stay. Said the leader was a real stand-up chick who knew how to tank. So I joined."

"But you never stole from us."

"Ah. Well. You see. I did. Remember that time you didn't see me for three weeks?"

Garrett was hard pressed to recall. "Wait. I do! You said you were on vacation."

"I stole the Tome of Koslun from the guild bank. I needed it for a quest line on another character."

"You! That was you!" Garrett sputtered. "I thought it was a glitch. I contacted a mod and everything."

"I know," Isabela said. "When I was sure it was back in the guild bank, I came back. And no one was the wiser. Except Anders of course. He got the whole story from me. But I made it up to him."

"Made it up-"

Isabela grinned.

"Oh Maker!" Garrett cried. "Seriously?"

"Calm down, sweet thing," she cooed. "This was before you and he started flirting hardcore. It was a one-time…" She paused, counting on her fingers "Okay, four-time thing and then it ended. I swear it."

Garrett huffed and Isabela hugged him. He leaned into it. Despite just having met her for the first time in person, it was easy to transition their relationship into the real world. He thought it would be a lot more difficult.

"But I do know him. He's upset, but I think he's willing to talk to you. After he gave his speech at the opening ceremony, he came to hang out with the rest of the guild. And your sister and her boyfriend. What an accent on him, am I right? And those eyes."

"He's Mormon," Garrett sighed. "He won't have sex with you unless you marry him."

"More's the pity. But I think Anders is feeling a little better than he was this morning. He's signing autographs in the Dealer's Room. Pimping his next novel. You should go talk to him."

"I don't know if I can. I don't know what to say."

"Start with an apology. Then let things be awkward. I really think you have a shot."

"Why would he even want me? He's such a… a big deal here."

Isabela ruffled his hair. "Aw. Maybe that's why you should go find him. He could sleep with almost anyone here. Well, anyone over the age of consent, I suppose. And yet for some reason, he wants you. Maybe it's true love."

Garrett sighed, but smiled a little when Isabela kissed his cheek.

"Dealer's Room closes at ten, then the room parties start. You should go. Me, I have a date with a cosplayer dressed like Duncan. Ooh you should see him. Tall and dark with the most gorgeous rear end…"

Garrett laughed. Isabela was exactly the same online as she was in person.

"There we go," she said, reaching up and ruffling his hair again. "Don't take too long."

She left, a sliver of light filling the room before the door fell shut again. Garrett pulled himself from bed, turning on the table lamp, and started to get dressed.


	13. Chapter 13

The Dealer's Room was still very full despite the lateness of the hour. Garrett stuffed his hands in his faded THEDAS hoodie and circled the tables. He looked at the merchandise, shifting things, but with no real intention to buy anything. If he hadn't screwed up royally, he would've been enjoying himself much more.

"Hey!"

Garrett looked up. His sister was pulling Sebastian behind her, their fingers entwined. Behind them, Fenris and two people Garrett knew by picture, but hadn't yet met in person. Merrill was short and thin, with a cute pixie-style haircut and almond-shaped eyes. She immediately hugged him.

"Why didn't you tell us?" she squeaked.

Garrett returned the hug, smiling despite his current self-loathing. "I… long story. Boils down to the fact that I'm an idiot."

"Daisy, give the man some room to breathe," Varric said.

Garrett looked him over. Shorter than he'd imagined, but built like a linebacker. He looked Italian, tanned with a low cut shirt that showed off a golden chain and copious amounts of chest hair. Definitely not the type of person Garrett would imagine playing THEDAS or any game really. He looked like someone's favorite uncle who could put his family's enemies in cement shoes. Or maybe Garrett had just watched The Sopranos too many times… He shook Varric's hand, his smile widening. 

"You look good, Hawke."

"I look like a scrub," he said miserably.

"Blondie's over there," Varric said, jerking a thumb over his shoulder. "Line's about a mile long."

"Gare, why didn't you tell me you had such awesome friends?" Bethany asked.

Clearly they were all trying to make him feel better. He didn't think he deserved it though. At least his sister was enjoying herself. Though Sebastian's arm around her shoulder made him cringe a little. Two slim arms wrapped themselves around his waist and he turned. Isabela tucked herself under his arm.

"Glad to see you've emerged from the cave."

"You missed all the exciting stuff," Bethany added. "…You look like hell."

"Thanks," he said with a wry laugh. "I'm fine, guys, really. I appreciate it. Look, don't let me spoil party. Go have fun."

"Are you sure?" Bethany asked, touching his arm.

She was concerned. Garrett always appreciated his sister, but in that moment, she was his lifeline, his anchor. He wanted nothing more than to cling to her and forget about everything. But he couldn't. He needed to get over his fears. So he nodded, forcing a smile.

"I'll be fine. Go on. I'll see you guys later."

Isabela, Merrill and Bethany all hugged him, the latter dragging Sebastian away. Varric clapped him on the arm.

"I've known Blondie for a long time. I ran with the Grey Wardens for a while. He wears his heart on his sleeve but he doesn't give it away for just anyone."

That didn't make him feel any better, but he supposed that wasn't Varric's intention. He swallowed hard and nodded, a knot in his chest. Varric shook his head and headed after the others. Garrett looked at Fenris.

"I talked to Anders."

That surprised him.

"You… when?"

"When you were having your solo pity party."

"What did you say?"

Fenris sighed, folding his arms, shifting his weight. He glanced around the room, not meeting Hawke's eyes. "When I first met you, I thought you were a moron."

"…Thanks?"

"But," Fenris pressed, "you're a good guy, Hawke. You always help people, you're just… nice. You're the type of guy who helps little old ladies cross the street. And you yell at me for littering and being five minutes late to work. You feel guilty for making the littlest mistakes at a thankless retail job."

"There's… a point to this, right?" Garrett asked, not sure what Fenris was getting at.

"My point is that there aren't many people out there like you. You just want to help everyone. It's like you're trying to make the world a better place, one small injustice at a time. And you're never an asshole about it. You're just… good."

Garrett frowned. He never thought of himself like that. He'd never had anyone describe himself like that either. And to hear it coming from Fenris and not Bethany or his mother, that was weird. And he realized that he didn't honestly know that much about Fenris, while his friend knew almost all his secrets, his past and his pains. Not for lack of trying, but Fenris never seemed to want to have a heart-to-heart with him.

"That's maybe the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me."

"Don't read too much into it. I call it like I see it. Anyway," Fenris said, sighing. "I talked to Anders. Told him as much. He didn't really want to listen but I made him hear me."

"Why would you do that?"

Fenris finally looked at him. "Because we're friends, you idiot."

"Oh."

Right. That explained that, then.

"What did he say?" Garrett asked.

"He said he would listen if you were willing to talk. That was earlier today though, before he went off to do his book signing."

"What should I do?"

"Would you listen to me if I told you?" Fenris asked.

Two people dressed as Grey Wardens shoved their way in between Fenris and Hawke in their rush to get to another table. A third in full darkspawn emissary makeup followed them, tripping a bit on the hem of his robes. Fenris raised an eyebrow, looking after them.

"Yes, I would. Please," Garrett asked.

"Wait for the line to disappear and go talk to him. Don't try to hash it out when he's surrounded by fans. In the meantime, try to enjoy the convention. He got you a ticket after all."

"I guess."

"Have you looked at the itinerary yet?"

Garrett shook his head.

"Cosplay pictures and contest tomorrow afternoon. I thought I might enter."

"Oh?"

Fenris huffed, looking at the floor.

_Say something encouraging. He's trying to fix your relationship with Anders._

"You're going as your character? Full roleplay and all?"

Fenris nodded. "Anders seemed to like the idea of a lyrium tattooed elf. Says it's never been done before."

"Your tattoos… But you had them before the game."

Fenris looked down at his arms and laughed. "Yeah. Long story behind those. Don't feel like getting into it."

"They're not blue though. Lyrium's blue."

Fenris rolled his eyes. "Stop being literal, Hawke. I've been working on a… sort of side quest. And since Anders has his own DLC… I've done some game designing before. Was thinking about applying as an intern."

Garrett looked at him, surprised. "I didn't know that about you."

"You think I only play THEDAS? I like the art, the story. The lore." He shrugged. "Thought I'd try my hand at it. Branch out."

"That's… that's really cool. What did he say?"

Fenris pulled out his wallet and plucked a business card from it. "He gave me his card. Business email and all, wants a full proposal. I figured I'll have time to work on it since you'll be stocking my sections for the next month."

Garrett groaned, but didn't argue. "Alright, fine."

Fenris tucked his wallet back into his jeans. "Just talk to him, Hawke."

"Thanks, Fenris. I really mean it. You're… a really good friend. I sort of took advantage of that. I'm sorry."

Fenris tilted his head slightly, but seemed pleased with the apology. "Well. You can make it up to me later."

Garrett nodded and Fenris turned away, getting lost in the crowd. Feeling nervous, but overall much better, Garrett walked the perimeter looking for Anders' table. He found it, but only because of the sign above it.

**THEDAS Presents: The Author of the popular SPIRIT HEALER DLC and other novels:**

Garrett blinked at the name. It was… German? Polish? Swedish? No idea. He'd never thought that 'Anders' was anything but his real name. Stupid thing to assume, considering his own name most definitely wasn't Marian. The crowd shifted and he saw Anders sitting there, smiling up at the next person in line. He took the book from the excited fan and opened the front cover, signing it with a flourish. When he handed it back to her, he winked.

Garrett wasn't sure if the spark of jealousy he felt was allowed. He leaned against a pillar, out of the way of the main crowd but close enough that he could hear snippets of the conversations Anders had with his fans.

_He's so… popular._

"I swear I must've read your personal work at least a dozen times. In and out of foster care, and your coming out story. It's such an inspiration!"

Anders grinned. "Thank you, really. I just told my story. I'm just glad it's helped other people."

He signed the book and handed it back to her.

"Are you really bi?" Another person.

"Any more DLC for the Spirit Healer coming up?"

"Would you sign my boobs instead of the book?"

Garrett shook his head a little. He'd seen the promo photos and listened to Anders talk about being recognized in public. He had no idea of the scope. He wasn't sure how long he stood there watching him, but the crowd didn't seem to be thinning.

_Just go over there and say hi. Then tell him you'd like to talk later._

A fat, balding, middle-aged man in a suit approached and leaned down to whisper something to Anders. Anders leaned up, listened, then looked at him and nodded.

"Everyone!" Anders said, standing, getting their attention. "I'm so sorry but I'm being pulled away-"

A collective groan went through the group and Anders grinned apologetically.

"I promise I'll be back tomorrow night to do more signings and I'm free after my panel tomorrow. It's an early one though so bring me some coffee, okay?"

The middle-aged suit began ushering Anders away. Anders waved him off, picking up a messenger bag and slinging it over his shoulder. Garrett's knee jerked, instinctively wanting to go to him now. Almost as if sensing someone staring at him, Anders looked around, then up at Garrett. From across the room, their eyes met. Garrett froze. It was like a scene from a movie almost, the crowd milling around them, but the only people in the room were him and Anders.

Someone said Anders' name and the moment was broken. Anders looked away, lifting his chin in acknowledgment at the person who'd called him. He glanced back briefly to Garrett, and walked away. Garrett heard himself whimper.

_Pathetic._

He turned to disappear into the crowd. Maybe there would be time tomorrow. His phone vibrated in his pocket and he pulled it out, expecting to see a text from Fenris or Bethany. He checked the screen. A jolt of anxiety went straight to his stomach.

**From: Anders**

Hands shaking, he opened the text.

**Page 19.**

_What?_

Page 19. What in the world did that mean?

Suddenly he realized.

"Hey!" he said, grabbing the nearest person. She was dressed as a Dalish elf, her face covered in paint made to look like vallaslin, her long pointed ears poking out of her wig. She looked up at him, eyes wide. "Can I see your program?"

She grinned and handed it to him. He quickly flipped to page 19 and found what he was looking for.

_Saturday, 8:00am_  
Gender Equality and Sexuality in the Gaming World  
Hosts: Varric Tethras, Anders  
 **Note: While this panel is not 18+, parental discretion is advised for those under 18.**

_This two hour panel will focus on the shift in sexuality in the gaming world, paralleling the current political status of the LGBTQA community. Q &A to follow the debate._

Garrett handed the program back to the elf, thanking her. He looked back down at his phone. Anders had essentially invited him to the panel.

He would be there.


	14. Chapter 14

The alarm went off and Garrett lifted a tired hand to smack it quiet. Beside him, Fenris shifted, groaning. Neither of them had gotten much sleep, still trying to deal with being awake when it was daylight. A pair of plaid pajamas moved into his field of blurry vision.

"Morning."

Garrett looked up. Sebastian was there, holding out a cup of coffee to him. Garrett yawned and sat up, taking the cup and sipping.

"Oh, that's nice," Garrett muttered. "You can marry my sister if you bring me coffee every morning."

Sebastian chuckled. "We're not quite there yet. Fenris, here."

Fenris waved an arm, reaching blindly for the cup. Sebastian steadied his hand before giving him the mug, and Fenris finally emerged.

"I thought Mormons don't drink coffee," Garrett said, fighting a yawn.

"Technically no. But there's nothing wrong with brewing it for friends."

Coffee was good. Cheerful optimism not so much. Garrett would have to rethink his potential future brother-in-law. "Where's Bethy?"

"She went to Merrill's room to have a girls' morning with Isabela."

Garrett leaned back against the headboard, nursing his cup, wincing as the coffee burned his tongue. It was still good though, for hotel coffee. "Where are you going after?"

Then his brain caught up with him. He checked the clock. 7:33. Anders' panel was soon. That's why he set the alarm in the first place. 

"I wanted to introduce Bethany to a few of my friends and then we were going to get ready for the cosplay contest. I told Fenris I would help him with his ears."

Fenris grunted.

"Are you… are you guys coming to Anders' panel?" Garrett asked hopefully.

"Mm," Sebastian pondered. "That depends on Bethany, I suppose."

Garrett chuckled. "She's already got you around her finger. That's my sister."

"She's very endearing."

Garrett looked at Fenris. "Are you going?"

Fenris shrugged. "I might."

He read between the lines. _"I might go to make sure you don't wuss out."_

"I'm going to get dressed, then." Garrett didn't move.

"Uh," Sebastian said, gesturing a bit, "I might be mistaken, but in order to get dressed, you may want to actually get out of bed."

"It's a good first step," Fenris agreed.

Garrett sighed and dragged himself to his feet, setting his coffee down. He sifted through a dresser drawer and pulled on clean clothes, yanking another Mage Pride t-shirt over his head.

"You'll be fine," Sebastian assured him. "Just tell him the truth. And be yourself. He likes you."

Fenris raised his coffee half-heartedly in agreement.

_He likes Marian. Not me._

_But maybe he likes me too._

_After all, I am Marian._

_Right?_

He finished his coffee, then brushed his teeth and ran his fingers through his hair to make himself presentable. Grabbing his hoodie and making sure he had his key card and lanyard, he called goodbye to Fenris and Sebastian and walked down the hall to the elevator. It had started empty, but as more and more people got on, it became fuller and fuller. Garrett pressed himself into the corner.

"Elevator party!"

_Oh no._

Despite how early it was, the con goes seemed ready.

"Elevator party! Elevator party!"

Garrett was jostled, shoved against the side of the elevator. He really didn't need this, but kept his mouth shut and endured the swaying, the shoving, the shouting, until finally the elevator dinged the lobby floor, and he spilled out with the rest, taking a breath of fresh air.

_I'll take the stairs from now on. I can do nine flights. I'm in pretty good shape._

In addition to his fellow elevator party attendees, there were a few dozen people milling about the lobby, some in costume still. He avoided them. Chances are they hadn't slept or showered or changed, and he'd heard enough horror stories about getting sick from conventions from his cousin. Hell, he probably already contracted something from the impromptu celebration in the elevator.

He checked the hotel map and wound his way to the proper room. There was already a line. He grabbed a bagel and a small Styrofoam cup of strong coffee and waited his turn. The volunteer at the door checked his pass.

"Standing room only now."

_Wow…_ "That's fine."

He edged into the room and leaned against the back wall between a hurlock and a dwarf and nibbled his bagel while he waited. At the far end of the room there was a dais with a table and several mics, pitchers of water and glasses. He also saw four Styrafoam cups. Con goers were taking seats, greeting people, shouting good mornings. They all seemed far too awake for Garrett's tastes. At this point in time he'd usually be settling in for bed.

Distracted as he was, he didn't see Anders right away. He was sitting on the dais, legs swinging, laughing at something. Three girls dressed as city elves (and showing way too much skin, Garrett thought) were crowding around him. One of them handed him a cup of coffee and Garrett read his lips as he thanked her. He looked good, dressed in a pair of blue jeans and a long-sleeved baseball style t-shirt with the THEDAS logo on it. His hair was loose around his face, and as he brought a hand up to run his fingers through it, Garrett desperately wanted to know what that felt like.

Varric approached from behind and crouched down, tapping his shoulder, saying something. Anders glanced up, nodded. He thanked the girls again, smiling as he climbed to his feet and settled down at the table, Varric sitting next to him. Laptops were opened and there was some feedback from the mics. People settled, and there was a quiet murmuring.

"Well good morning," Anders said, in that voice Garrett loved so much.

_He read you books during your shift with that voice. That's your voice, Garrett, if you don't screw this up._

"I have to say, I'm a little surprised and touched that so many people have showed up," he said with a modest chuckle. "And uh, thanks for all the coffee, seriously. I'm going to need it." He gestured to all the cups on the table.

"I didn't get coffee," Varric joked.

"Yes well, _I'm_ charming," Anders said lightly, evoking a chuckle from the crowd. He smiled. "All right. What we're really here for, what you all got up at the crack of dawn for is the controversial discussion that sparked a million flamewars. Not more than a few of them on my blog, thanks for that."

Another laugh.

Garrett found himself smiling. Anders kept the crowd's attention with light jokes, but when it was time for serious discussion, his replies were thoughtful, intelligent, and backed by evidence as well as emotion. Like most panels, this one bounced between anecdotes and personal stories to Q&A with no real direction. Varric fielded a few questions, and Garrett realized he knew a lot more about the lore than he'd ever given him credit for.

"THEDAS is so progressive already with its story," Anders was saying. "But the very best thing is that they don't treat it like it's out of the ordinary. NPCs can discuss their same-sex spouse with you and it's not made to be a big deal. It's simply a fact of life in that world. There's more of an outrage if, for example, an elf were to marry a human. Procreation is key to keep their races alive and pure. Gender has little if nothing to do with it. And in the real world where we still congratulate people for their bravery in coming out to friends and family, this is important. Sexuality should be an inherently accepted thing, no matter your orientation, no matter your gender."

That got applause, and Garrett found himself feeling very proud of him.

"Let me tell you a personal story."

The room quieted. Anders took the mic from the stand and sat back a little.

"A few months – year, Varric? Little over a year ago, I think it was, I met someone through the game. She was brilliant and funny and appreciated all the things about the game I did."

_What?_

Garrett felt his cheeks catch flame. Anders couldn't be talking about him, could he?

"Hell of a tanking warrior, too. And when she decided to skip realms and start her own guild, I followed. I was intrigued."

"Mage side or Templar side?" someone called out.

Anders chuckled, getting to his feet. "Mage."

A few cheers and a few jeers. Garrett grinned, still feeling a little uncomfortable.

"Anyway," Anders said, circling the table to stand in front. He reached back, taking up one of the coffees, sipping it before he set it down again. "I really respected her for the decisions she made in the game. As we know, THEDAS is full of different moral choices. And while roleplaying is a big aspect of it, our choices in game don't always reflect real world choices. So I started talking to her outside of the game."

Yep.

Anders was definitely talking about him.

Garrett glanced at the door, wondering if he should run.

_Fenris would kill you. And Bethany would bring you back to life so she could kill you again._

"And that's the great thing about the internet. For all you under 30s out there, there was once a time the internet wasn't so mainstream, shocking I know."

Garrett wanted to kiss his smile.

"I didn't need to see her face or hear her voice to know I was falling in love with her."

A few people in the audience 'aww'ed.

"I never saw a person as the sum of their parts, but what was in their soul."

"Terribly saccharine, Blondie," Varric cut in, eliciting a chuckle from the crowd.

Anders rolled his eyes with a look back to Varric. "I'm trying to bear my soul here, Varric. You're ruining a perfectly sappy moment with your sarcasm."

Varric put his hands up in surrender and sat back.

"Well," Anders continued, "it turned out that she was actually a he."

Some murmuring from the crowd, and Garrett tried to look as though this was news to him. Inside, a mixture of guilt and shame and excitement. But mostly guilt. He looked down uncomfortably, shifting onto the balls of his heels.

"I was understandably surprised. A little hurt that he felt he had to lie. But I think I understand. In a world where people are being persecuted for just being different, it's a scary thing, love. And no matter who you are, what you are, you deserve a chance at that. I mean, isn't that why we come to conventions like this?"

"I thought it was to get laid," Varric cut in.

Another laugh through the crowd.

Anders sighed, grinning. "Sure, well. That's why _Varric_ comes to the convention. Ladies – he is single if you're interested," he said in an undertone into the mic.

Varric pointed to someone in the crowd and made a 'Call me,' gesture.

"But seriously," Anders continued. "We all just want to feel loved and accepted. And that's the best thing about conventions like this. Out there in the normal world you might be considered a freak. In your cubicle, you have an archdemon bobble-head and so-and-so from across the row might make fun of you for it. But in the game? You slayed that archdemon with your friends. You were a hero.

"You might be the shy, nerdy kid in high school. Or the jock who's afraid to come out to his friends because of homophobic reactions. Or the single mom who just needs a break at the end of a long day. That's what I love about this game. It brings people together in a sense of community and love and support. No one here is a freak, an oddball. Here we're all family, we're all accepted no matter what. And that… that's really what the game is about.

"That's why I love it."

There was silence before the room burst into applause. People started to stand up, and Garrett swallowed hard. Anders was smiling modestly, looking down. He glanced up, about to say something when he caught Garrett's eye. He licked his lips.

_Do something._

Garrett smiled.

Anders smiled back.

_Maker._

_Are you there?_

_It's me Garrett._

_Just wanted to say… thanks._


	15. Chapter 15

The panel ran over nearly half an hour, and when Varric tapped his watch, the room at large let out a groan.

"Go on, get your outfits ready for the cosplay contest," Varric said, shooing them out.

Garrett lingered, flattening himself against the wall as people filed out. He watched a few walk to the front to chat with Varric or Anders, getting autographs and thanking them for the awesome job.

_Walk._

He needed to move. He couldn't move. Nervous, anxious, horribly worried and wondering what he was going to say, he took a few steps forward. Someone banged into him and he barely acknowledged their apology.

"It was a good one," Varric was saying, as he was helping Anders clean the table.

"I thought so. Another signing tonight though, I'm nearly burnt out."

"You do too much, Blondie."

"I know, but I wouldn't be where I am if it wasn't for them. What kind of-"

"Anders."

_Way to croak it out, Garrett._

Anders and Varric turned, and Garrett felt like he had a great big giant spotlight on him. Anders' eyes widened, and they looked at one another, staring, silent. Varric cleared his throat and Anders looked over at him.

"I'll see you at the contest, okay?"

Anders nodded, and Varric took up the trash bag, nudging Garrett on his way out. The door to the conference room shut, leaving them alone together. Anders turned away, closing his laptop and tucking it into his bag. Garrett watched him unplug his power cord and roll it up before storing that too. Anders set his bag down before turning back to look at him.

"Well."

Garrett swallowed hard. "Yeah."

They spoke at the same time.

"I wanted to-"

"It's good to-"

Anders chuckled and Garrett smiled.

"It's good to finally meet you," Anders said.

"Do you mean it?" Garrett asked, approaching the dais.

Anders sighed, running a hand through his hair. He lowered himself to the edge of the dais, legs swinging idly, and patted the spot next to him. Heart beating quickly, Garrett lifted himself up to sit, only banging his hip a little.

"You okay?"

"It'll bruise. It's fine," he said in a rush.

The silence stretched.

"I…" Garrett started. "I really wanted to apologize."

Anders nodded a little. "I thought… Well, when your sister told me yesterday, I thought maybe it was just a huge joke that you played on me."

Garrett felt that sickness settle in his stomach and swallowed the wave of nausea. "I wouldn't ever do that to anyone."

"I know. Well. I know that now."

They weren't looking at one another, Garrett staring down at his feet and Anders looking toward the door. He could feel Anders' hand next to his, so close, something like electricity sparking between them. He wanted to touch him.

Anders cleared his throat. "Something like that happened to me in high school once. I had a terrible crush on this one girl… I don't even remember her name now. I received love letters in my locker. Finally I worked up the nerve to ask her out and she had no idea what I was talking about. Turns out it was a few kids from the wrestling team playing a joke. They got a kick out of it. Something like out of a bad John Hughes film, right?"

"Or a Stephen King story," Garrett agreed.

Anders laughed. "Well I didn't go 'Carrie' on them, but I did end up getting expelled for fighting. I was… really hurt by it all."

"…I'm sorry. That's…"

"It's fine. Years ago."

"Old wounds."

"Lots of scars," Anders agreed. "And then… well, I told you about Karl. I thought maybe the world was playing a joke on me. So I closed myself off." He sighed, looking down. "Then there was you. And I was so scared to admit it to myself," he said quietly. "I didn't want to get hurt again."

Garrett frowned. It was difficult imagining someone like Anders being scared. He was so confident, almost larger than life. He talked to people easily, made jokes, made people feel good about themselves. To think that he got scared… it was weird. But reassuring in a way.

_Do what Marian would do. Be bold. Take charge._

Slowly he slid his hand over Anders'. Anders looked down, smiled. Entwined their fingers.

"I meant it," Garrett said, clearing his throat. "I meant it. Every word. How… How I felt. Feel about you."

Anders looked up at him, and Garrett realized his eyes were less hazel and more amber, a liquid honey color. And slowly Anders was leaning in and so was Garrett and their lips met and it was fireworks. Garrett forgot how to kiss, it had been so long. But Anders reminded him, leading him in a soft, slow dance of warmth and excitement. He made a quiet noise in the back of his throat, a tender moan. Anders' free hand was on his cheek, in his beard, then cupping his jaw. And when they finally broke apart, slightly breathless, Garrett didn't want to open his eyes.

Anders rested his forehead against Garrett's. "I… love you. I still love you."

Garrett nearly choked. "I love you too," he whispered, more gruffly than he'd intended.

They straightened, and Anders smiled gently.

"I ah… I have to go help judge the cosplay contest soon."

"I'm entering."

"Oh? Well. Good. I'll definitely look for you. Um. Dinner, maybe? Tonight?"

Garrett nodded quickly. "Yes. Please. I'd really like that."

"Not in the hotel though. I know a good restaurant a few blocks up."

Garrett shifted a little. "I didn't bring any fancy clothes…"

"It's a greasy spoon."

"My kind of place."

"Well, I picked it out for Marian," Anders admitted.

Garrett laughed. "She would like it, wouldn't she? I… I guess I am her. We're kind of the same person, I suppose. She's a lot cooler than I am."

Anders smiled. "I don't know. I kind of like you too."

"Good. That's… that's really, really good," Garrett said in a relieved breath.

"Come find me after the contest. I'll probably still be at the judging table for a while," Anders said.

Garrett didn't want to leave him just yet. "Okay. Sure."

Anders pulled him in for another kiss, and Garrett returned it, much more enthusiastically. When it ended, Anders took up his bag and hopped off the dais, walked three steps, then turned around and walked back. He reached up, grabbing Garrett's shoulder and pulled him down again for another kiss, lips parting, tongue thrusting forward. Garrett groaned, nearly losing his balance and falling forward off the dais as he returned it. He felt Anders' fingers in his hair, gripping his head tightly, and when he finally released, Garrett was panting for air.

"I really do love you."

Garrett nodded dumbly. "I.. ngh. Yahuh."

Anders laughed. He turned, then stopped. "Hey."

"Hn?" His brain was still registering the kiss.

"Why Marian, anyway?"

"Oh." _Awkward._ "Um. You know Robin Hood?"

"I thought that might have been it."

"Yeah, the uh. Disney version," Garrett admitted with a squirm of embarrassment.

"With the foxes?"

Garrett nodded, wincing. "I sort of had a little crush on her when I was a kid. I made my mom play the tape over and over. Finally she got tired of it and just taught me how to do it. So… at two, I learned how to use the VCR. At least until the tape wore out." He paused. "I'm not a furry!" he added quickly. "It was a kid thing."

Anders laughed. "That… that's a brilliant story."

Garrett grinned sheepishly.

"Alright. Garrett," Anders said, a little awkwardly. "Hawke," he tried again.

"Fenris calls me Hawke."

"Well. Whichever one you make me call out in bed first is what you'll be christened."

Garrett's eyes widened and Anders laughed again.

"I'm kidding. Maybe." He started down the aisle between the chairs. "Come find me after!" he called, and blew a kiss before he disappeared through the double doors.

Garrett grinned like an idiot for a moment before he remembered he needed enough time to get into his costume. Quickly he hopped down from the dais and hurried up where he found everyone in his hotel room. Sebastian was checking his wig in the mirror, Isabela was helping Fenris reapply glue to ears, and Merrill was cooing over Bethany's dress.

"About time you showed up," Isabela said.

They all turned to look at him. He stood at the mouth of the hall for a moment, uncomfortable under their scrutiny.

"Er. What?"

Bethany threw a pillow at him. "How did it go, doofus?"

Garrett grinned. "Um. Good. Really better than I thought, actually. And uh. Yeah. Good."

"Aww," Isabela said. "He's blushing!"

Garrett lowered his eyes, cheeks burning.

"Details!" Isabela demanded.

"We um. We got it sorted out. And kissed." _Three times._ His lips still tingled from the last.

There was a flurry of speech from which he caught congratulations. 

Fenris chuckled. "Well. You might not be entirely hopeless after all, Hawke."

"Yeah, thanks for that," Garrett said sarcastically. But he did mean it. "Someone help me with my armor."


	16. Chapter 16

None of them had won the cosplay contest. That honor went to six people who organized a gigantic, homemade and horribly authentic looking broodmother outfit. Saturday night found Garrett having dinner with Anders in a hole in the wall restaurant that was packed with people. Even though they had to wait for a table, the burgers were worth every minute. And after, Isabela called them to invite them to her room party.

He didn't know half the people that were there, but everyone seemed to know Anders. Curled up with him on the couch, Garrett felt a bit jealous as people seemed to vie for his attention, but it was fleeting. After all, _he_ was the one who Anders was sitting with, thighs pressed together. He even felt brave enough to wrap his arm around Anders' shoulders, and Anders leaned against him, head on his chest as they cuddled on the couch. Eventually the party wound down and Isabela kicked mostly everyone out.

"Do you want to come to my room or call it a night?" Anders asked Garrett, as they filed into the hall.

Garrett looked up the hall toward his room. As much as he loved the people there, sharing a bed with Anders for the night seemed preferable. "Your room."

It was a smaller room, with two full sized beds, and packed with boxes. Promotional items, copies of Anders' books, tons of t-shirts and other things with the game logo plastered all over them.

"Wow. Good to be a big deal," Garrett joked.

Anders grinned. "Sometimes. Exhausting though. Varric's crashing with Isabela tonight, so if you want the other bed…"

There was an awkward moment where neither said anything, and then Garrett took the initiative, surprising himself, and kissed Anders. They fell to the bed where they kissed and talked for another hour before they fell asleep. Garrett hadn't bothered to move to the other bed, preferring to stay wrapped up in Anders' arms.

When they woke up hours later from the knock on the door, it was room service. Varric had taken it upon himself to send up breakfast, and Garrett made a mental note to do something very, very nice for him. For all his friends, really.

He couldn't be at Anders' side for the last few panels, as he had one more signing to do, and spent the last day with his sister and his guildies. And when the convention wound down, he made a decision, handing his keys to Bethany.

"I'm staying with Anders. He's here for another couple of days before he flies out."

"How will you get home?" she asked.

He shrugged. "Train. Bus. Doesn't matter."

"Oh Gare."

"What?"

She grinned. "I'm so proud of you."

Bethany hugged him tightly, and he returned it before looking to Fenris.

"Could you uh…"

"Cover for you at work?"

"If you don't mind?" he asked, feeling guilty.

Fenris laughed. "Sure, Hawke. I just never thought I'd see you play hooky."

"Tell them I'm calling out on account of lovesickness."

Fenris gagged. "Ugh. No. That was terrible. Don't do that."

He helped them pack the car later that night and said goodbye before returning to the lobby. The hotel was nearly empty now, at least of con goers. The night staff was still cleaning up, and Garrett felt a little bad. His people were good people, but damn they could leave a mess.

He took the elevator up to the ninth floor, glad to have it to himself for once. The doors opened and he stepped out. Anders was there, waiting, a red rose in hand.

"What…" Garrett started to ask.

"Remember when Alistair gives the Warden the rose in the Fifth Blight quest line?"

Garrett did. He took the rose from Anders and looked at it, feeling…

_Happy._

_Elated._

_Amazing._

_In love._

He hoped that Anders understood what he was feeling, because he couldn't quite put it into words. And as Anders pulled him in for another kiss, Garrett was sure he did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of an epilogue-y sort of last chapter there. I'm considering doing more with them just because I love this universe but I don't have any ideas yet for it.
> 
> It made me wistful for conventions and the spirit of community that all gamers/con goers seem to have.
> 
> Anyway, thanks for reading! This was a fun break between angsty plots that I tend to write. Glad you guys enjoyed it. ^_^
> 
> Edited to add: 
> 
> Some fantastic fanart from the OP requester on the kinkmeme, bucketmouse! 
> 
>   
> Perfect Fenris is perfect!
> 
> More lovely fanart by [dog](http://dogshat.tumblr.com/)
> 
>   
> The most adorable Anders!


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